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Rantings of A Mad Man: Oh Shit! It's Part XX

If silence is golden then is noise leaden?

Why is it that when we're alone for long periods of time we begin to sense impending attack? Or is it just me?

Have you ever noticed that in a box of Fruit-By-The-Foot that the Strawberry flavored ones will always be left to last? Surely after the box is long since gone, there will still be a few Strawberry ones left over.

Isn't it a bit ironic that all those who think that Ron Paul is the best candidate (or that libertarianism is the best ideology) are those people who believe that if the government removed all support systems that they above all others will rise to the top of the pyramid. Isn't it just ironic that some how they believe that removing all government assistance will catapult them above those people who already don't use it. Ironic. No?

From what I can tell fans (ceiling, floor, desk, etc.) all rotate in the clockwise fashion. Are there any that buck the trend?

At what point does one become a veteran? I'm not talking about those in the armed services, that conveyance of veteranship is clear, but of ball players, journalists, legislators, and the such. Is there a day in which one second they are not and then they are a veteran? Are there laws legislating such a title? I for one hope not.

Who designed the pattern on a baseball? Seriously, I'm curious.

What is so special about Egyptian cotton? Sounds like a marketing gimmick to me.

Martin Van Buren was the only truly bilingual president. He also spoke Dutch at home.

Roman numerals really fuck up alphabetical order.

When I was in pre-school we did a project where we dipped our feet in paint and printed them on a single white piece of paper. For some reason thereafter I denied having done it barefoot. I haven't the slightest idea why.

Support the Troops! I question if they really mean that. Surely they mean "support OUR troops". The very idea of supporting ALL troops seems very unlike them. Likewise, "support the troops" is a verbal cue. Proportionally, it's seen more in speech than in writing. So maybe just maybe, they mean "support the TROUPES" as in the actors guild or something. Could it be that a bunch of war-raging, stick branding, red necks could have a secret penchant for musical theater? Mm, your right, probably not.

If a typist types what do dentists and racists do?

If a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear it is George W. Bush still paranoid that it might be harboring weapons of mass destruction?

While you should pay your income and property taxes each year, sometimes you can get away with not doing so. At least for a little while. Is it possible that we can do the same for sales tax? Can we ask the cashier to wave the charge and let you deal with the IRS later? I think what we really need to ask is: "What can we do as individuals to make this nation more bureaucratic?"

And finally:

If you don't give a shit, you should at least take one.


Cheers!

FFF

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