I'm not an angry person. I am not by nature vengeful, grudge-holding, or hurtful. I am however, cold and calculating, and I tend to get my way. I shrug people off when they get too close and I don't beat around the bush. If you don't like it, then too bad. It's not in my capacity to change. I am not crewel however and I don't intend to hurt anyone. I am very empathetic even if I appear apathetic. A lot of the time I take life in a third-person view, I see and experience it through others. If I knew why, I'd fix it. Likewise I pass through bouts of what would be described as clinical depression. But such is life, and it passes unacknowledged. I hide things, even from those closest to me. I don't drink to get drunk, I don't smoke anything, and I don't take unnecessary medications. If I have a headache I want to have it, discover why I have it, and cure the problem at it's source instead of treating symptoms. This is the way I am, methodical, meticulous, and calculating. The biggest secrets I keep discern why I am who and what I am. No one knows all of them, and few know any at all, even those I know best, friends or family. It's not because I don't trust some of them, it's that I do trust them, and value them too much. Am I insane? Most certainly, without a doubt. Does it matter? Not a bit. I would never kill myself. That thought never even enters my mind. It is a non-factor and nothing can change that. That codec is so buried inside my being that nothing can touch it. Nothing. No matter what happens. Nothing. Suicide is giving up. I don't give up. I am too stubborn, too methodical, calculative, and empathetic to do so. To live a long life is my greatest goal, based in a secret I've yet to speak of, but might eventually. It is my utmost desire to outlive everyone in my family. Everyone. I am not emotional. I don't like it when people cling. I don't like it when people get too close, yet that above all but all else is what I want. I am me. Just a person, any old person. Who are you?
President Reagan had an idea about how the world should run. He deregulated Big Business. That is, he removed the restrictions put in place that kept companies from cheating. He removed, primarily economic oversight. He said that it was unAmerican that in this capitalist society that such oversight, such restrictions should exist. To him, these concepts flew in the face of that illusive, figmentary idea we like to call freedom. He wanted Big Business to have the freedom to do what it will and believed that in doing so, said companies would check themselves. They would check themselves because it was in their best economic interest to do so. Yet, what he didn't realize is that what was in the best interest of Corporate America could be unknown to Corporate America itself! That Big Business could be akin to a compulsive gambler who as they fall further and further into the hole panic and begin making riskier and riskier bets, thus then subjecting themselves to even more debt ...
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