Hopefully this is of a better quality than Jason X...
I know it's been a while since the last time I posted. But school's school, and I hope that's good enough. As for TheDiscountedMonkey I wish him all the best in Europe. And I can't wait for you to come to your senses and keep posting so at least I don't have to sit here and talk to myself.
That said... I had about a pound and a half of Jujyfruits today, and I'll tell you if there's a gassier cinema snack then be it a plague on mankind and housemates alike.
ESPN's Monday Night Football isn't going so great. Really? Do I remember caring? Let me check... Nope, didn't think so. Serves the NFL right for getting greedy.
I'm still eating the damn Jujyfruits! Fuck!
I've got one for you: When you've got a moment check out Tropicana's "Strawberry Orange" Juice. You'll never forget it, I'll just say that.
Life is so simple to live, yet so complicated to live.
I can quote more lines from The Simpsons than from the Constitution or the Bible or anything.
I've noticed that if I have cable I watch less TV than if I don't.
I've noticed that birds only crap on new cars. That's why mine has 190,000 miles and never gets washed. Well, either that or I'm poor and lazy.
The trees have started to change colors. Fuck that. Although I always wondered why we didn't change colors in the autumn and lose our hair or ears or something. Maybe like moose lose their antlers, we'd lose our balls and grow back larger ones next year. No? Well based on the success of those enlargement pills, I'd think it'd be a good idea.
There is no realistic reason why King of the Hill should still be on TV.
If I had all the time in the world I'd use it to do exactly what I want, nothing. Why? Because I have all the time in the world, why waste it all doing everything up front?
Why did everyone get all bent out of shape about boobgate? I mean seriously, if no one ever showed the clip again, you know like in real slow motion pixelating it as she popped out, then no one would've cared. I know. I saw the original, when it happened. And you saw nothing, too bad yes, but still nothing. And now the FCC thinks it's doing me a favor by repressing that sort of thing? Let me just add that if anyone really wants to do me a favor, depixelate that slow motion shot and leave me in a dark room. Thanks.
I want the right to arm bears.
Unfortunately, in making peace we only determine that again someday there will be war.
Why are some dictionaries smaller than others? Shouldn't a dictionary have all words of a given language in it? More so, who sits down and recalls all these words? Or is it a team effort?
Just remember, this weekend, if the van is a rockin', the Sox are losing.
Paper or plastic? Why not just pack all of it loosely in the car? It's cheaper and more eco-friendly.
Why are there more cars in this country than there are people able to drive them?
Why does it get colder when it rains and warmer when it snows?
I've stopped caring about hurricane season. It's stupid.
I know dogs fart; do cats?
A man must walk down six roads of at least three hundred rods in length to be officially called a man.
I stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Yes me. Has to be. I was there.
How many different releases of Star Wars are there going to be? Yet, I know that those sorry-ass nerds out there will buy them all. There should be a sex test to buy those things to prove that you're worthy. I say it's got to be third base or better or nothing doing. Oh who am I kidding, the only thing any of them ever got to third base with was when they ran the bases backwards in tee-ball.
George Lucas and Ann Coulter are both virgins. I'd put money on it.
I don't remember if I asked this before but, why do different bottled waters taste differently? ...Come to think of it, I'm sure I've asked that before.
Calculus is pointless to the common man.
Who knows if two snowflakes really aren't alike? Is there a council on this. Oh, now I remember. It's the National Snowflake Association. The NSA. But why are they wiretapping? No wonder we don't know where Osama is.
Fritos claim to be the original corn chips. They're the original? How long's the company been around? I'm certain that right now there's a little old Spanish lady sitting in line in an American embassy to file papers to sue them. But don't worry, this is the U.S. government, Frito Lay's got at least a decade before it reaches the right people.
Old people reflect fondly on the past, grumble about the present, and say that the future generation is going to hell. I wonder if anyone's ever studied this. Just a thought.
I've never had a bad day after eating Lucky Charms. Correlation?
Light toast and weak tea does not a good meal make.
Toasters claim to have a medium setting. But I think they're just covering up that it's either light or char. I smell a law suit. ...No wait! That's fucking burnt toast!
Depression meds cause people to commit suicide? You'd think they'd pull those drugs.
I hate white sand beaches. When the sand's all gritty and dark you can't tell where the other guy's dog took a piss.
I should think that cat's would love the beach. Maybe that's why there were so many in Egypt. Then again most of them were ugly ass cats. Inbreeding I suppose, that's why it doesn't have any fur.
Why don't guys go bald on their faces?
Is a gun really protection if everyone has one? I say be the one who doesn't and find out for yourself.
Good oral sex sucks the big one.
Damn, chickens must breed like rabbits. But if rabbits breed like rabbits, why don't we eat more rabbit. Betcha it tastes like chicken.
****
Alright that's all I've got. G'night.
FlyFreeForever.
No comments:
Post a Comment