Tonight's topic is the "walk of shame" or otherwise feeling bad about yourself after sleeping with someone.
There are two distinct types of this feeling. The first is for sleeping with people you think are unattractive. The second, and more potent, is sleeping with people whom you find very attractive. Let me elaborate.
You meet someone on grindr, tindr, whatever. You guys decide to get together purely for sex. One time, no strings attached (good luck with that), and no expectations other than good sex (really though, good luck with that).
In Scenario One: The guy that comes over (or whom you visit) you come to realize is not exactly as attractive as he was in all of the photos he sent you. Yet, here's a perfectly good and willing cock/ass in the living room now. What's a guy to do. Leaving/asking him to leave would be super awkward and besides, you're really horny. Maybe if you just close your eyes and think of someone else it won't be so bad.
After he leaves / you leave, a strong feeling of regret coupled with disgust in yourself / in the guy you slept with / surrounding the action of sleeping with an unattractive guy begins to overtake your mood.
In Scenario Two: You both get together and he's really really amazingly gorgeous and probably even seems to be a nice guy. And of course after, you feel awful about the whole situation.
In both scenarios, why do you feel bad after? You don't always feel bad after, but this time you really did. Why?
It's because humans are social creatures. Your higher thinking brain can differentiate sex from love and companionship. Your lower thinking brain however cannot. If your lower brain is fulfilled by the encounter or disgusted by the encounter, afterward, it will make you depressed about it. In the first scenario it's purely disgust or disappointment in yourself for settling so low for someone so unattractive. In the second scenario it's a feeling that comes about because you want on some level for the guy to stick around, for it to not be a one night thing. He fulfills your base instinctual sexual desires very well. While your higher brain can separate sex from companionship, your lower brain wants that companionship and registers its disapproval of the hook up, largely in the form of a longing feeling or a lonely feeling but also in frustration and anger directed at oneself.
Moral of the story, don't fuck around with sex. If you're attracted strongly to someone, don't hook up with them. You'll feel terrible after. And it goes without saying, if they're not attractive, just pass. It's better for your mental state in the long run. Sex is absolutely amazing. Just make sure to choose your partners wisely to avoid the walk of shame.
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