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Monopoly Part 2: What Would Life Be Like If It Were a Game of Monopoly?

Now that I think of it, I think I've stumbled across a Bill-O talking point. That's Bill-O not Jell-O, although I hear that they are both comprised primarily of bone dust, corn syrup, and food coloring...

Regardless, let's take a look at Monopoly. It's a very socialist game if you think about it. You start out with $1500. Imagine that. $1500 for nothing. It's just given to you, by the bank, the central governing authority. And everyone gets the same amount! Wow-wee! What a deal!

Then there's GO. Every time you pass GO you collect ANOTHER $200! For what? Don't ask me.

And just when you need it here comes Community Chest! A local slush fund for your spending needs!

What about Luxury Tax and Income Tax! Profit sharing! 10% or $200 for Income Tax. $75 for the Luxury sort! It's criminal! And you know that everyone lands on Income Tax more often. They plan it that way some how! They must! Who ever lands on Luxury Tax? Only the rich! Of course! Who's ever heard of a poor person losing their last cents on Luxury Tax? Doesn't happen!

Then there's Free Parking and it's bastard cousin Just Visiting! Who's ever heard of free parking. It's almost communist to me! Imagine a government run facility interfering in your private lives. Fuck no! And Just Visiting! Imagine! Criminals getting cordial visiting rights! NEVER! It's not about rehabilitation. It's not about fostering the desire to turn one's self around and become a part of society again. NO! It's about seclusion and punishment!

Then there's all the railroads! They all cost the same! How could they? Surely not in a real society. We can't have poor railroads subsidized by government! It's an unnecessary tax on the wealthier stops! The property values aren't worth the same! Who would want to travel through the Purples and Light Blues! Honestly one's Chinese even! They should just knock down all of those tenement houses and make room for my new mini-mall! Eminent domain! It's for the good of society!

And to cap it all off, look at the subliminal message that Monopoly gives to our kids! When you get all of one color or utility the rent DOUBLES! Imagine the audacity that these people have telling us that prices would go up if someone holds a corner on the market! BAH! Prices would surely go down with greater export capacity, streamlined ventures, and greater centralization! Only a fool would say otherwise!

So that's what it is. Monopoly! A bunch of SOCIALIST PROPAGANDA!

Where's it going to end! Won't someone please think of the children!

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