Tuesday, December 1, 2015

14 Life Lessons for Gays

I won't claim to be the most well-slept around gay.  At the same time though, I do spend a lot of time thinking about everything, and gay life is no exception to that.  So based on my own experiences and the experiences of those I know, here are 14 things you need to know...

1.  Avoid the most physically attractive guys. 

Seriously.  The most physically attractive guys by and large have never had to earn respect from another and have never understood rejection.  They are fawned over and greatly desired.  Because of this, they never develop the skills needed to compliment a body.  They are less inclined to put effort into a relationship because effort is difficult and there are lots of easy fish in the sea.  Likewise, they are less likely to put effort into their own personality.  Again, they simply don't have to do so to get as much ass as they want.

2.  Look for the guy who has endured and overcome hardship.

The opposite of the previous statement, he is very in tune with a potential husband's needs.  He feels he has to earn your love, as should be the case.  He may be quite physically attractive, but more often he is averagely attractive.  BUT, the combination of caring and physical attractiveness is far more over all attractive than the muscled jock in statement one.  Moreover, when things get difficult in the relationship, they are much MUCH more likely to stick around and try to work through them.  The guy with loads of options on the side will likely leave, again because hard work is difficult and he is easy.  Likewise, a guy who has overcome some hardship sees greater value in relationships and less value in anonymous sex. 

3.  The best sex you'll ever have is with the person who thinks you're more attractive than them.

Guys who feel lucky to have you will be more attentive.  Guys who think they are more attractive than you will be less attentive and more selfish.  The lucky guy isn't necessarily less attractive either.  In fact, the absolute best sex is between two guys who BOTH think each other is the most attractive person they've ever met.

4.  The size of a guy's cock is directly related to their personality for better, neutral, or worse.

A guy with a big cock tends to be more self assured and care less what others think of them sometimes to arrogance.  A guy with a small cock tends to either be very submissive or overly compensate their lack of endowment with a huge ego.  There is a difference between big cock arrogance and small cock ego.  The small cock ego always directs attention to himself.  Big cock arrogance generally only becomes arrogant when others begin stroking their own egos.  There are also guys with small cocks who are actually really, really good in bed.  They are generally on the smaller end of average... not too small but definitely below average.  If you can find one of those, you're probably in for a very, very good experience.  Of course, guys of all sizes will vary in their personality based solely on how THEY perceive themselves.  Some guys think they're quite big when in reality they're average.  And some think they're average when they're really quite big.  It's all about how you feel about your cock, and believe me I can tell how big you are if I've met you.  Additionally, I really don't care how big you are or aren't.

5.  Every grindr (or other app/website) photo is the best possible photo of the guy.

There are occasional exceptions to this, but a vast majority of the time the guy will not look as good in person as on the screen.

6.  No one knows how to measure their cock.

This is another point about grindr and other apps/sites.  Everyone on them claims to have an 8, 9, 10, 13(??!) inch cock.  They don't.  Less than one percent of the population has a penis larger than 8 inches.  The average is 5.5 inches.  It does vary based on ethnicity, but keep in mind they are TENDENCIES and there are major exceptions in both directions.  

Ok here's how to measure yourself, if you're interested in actually knowing.  Take a ruler, one that doesn't have a lot of extra space prior to the first hash mark... there's usually a quarter of an inch before it starts measuring at 0''.  While standing, place the ruler on the TOP of your erect penis, pointing out from your body at a 90 degree angle (parallel to the floor).  Flatten any curve against the ruler and measure.  That is how long your penis is.  Measuring from the side or from somewhere in your sack isn't going to be a true measurement. It only goes inside someone as far as it can at it's shortest side... the top side.  So now that you know, quit lying about your size.  It's really unattractive.

7.  Size doesn't matter.

Well, I should say, size doesn't HAVE to matter.  The best sex I've ever had was with a guy who was considerably smaller than average.  BUT, he was so giving and so concerned with how I felt all the time, it was truly amazing.  If you're a top, size for you is just something to look at and to occasionally choke on.  Obviously something nice to look at as it bounces would be good, but it doesn't have to be a Van Gogh.  If you're a bottom, the largest cocks can actually do some serious damage if the guy they're attached to isn't careful.  Besides, hemorrhoids are no fun either.  If you're a bottom, girth may be more enjoyable than length anyways.  Or, very unenjoyable, depending on the guy.  Regardless of their size, go for the man with the good heart.

8.  The man with the good heart is the holy grail.

Empathy is highly highly underrated.  I don't care how physically attractive he is. I don't care if you can grate cheese on his abs or extrude Playdough stars from his ass, the empathetic man is the best man you can ever find.  He is the one that's thoughtful and kind.  He is the romantic, the cuddly guy, the one you bring home to mom.  He is the one you should want to keep for the rest of your life.  

9.  You don't need a man RIGHT NOW!!!11!!!

In fact, you don't NEED a man at all.  You want one, and sometimes that's a line that's easily blurred.  

I'm serious.  Get off grindr.  Right now.  Spending an evening on the app will not help you find Mr. Right.  If you spend more than an hour a day on dating apps you will not be the kind of person you need to be to attract Mr. Right.  Grindr and other apps are an addiction.  Really.  You become dependent on them for feeling good about yourself.  But, at the same time, as you use them you feel worse and worse about yourself too.  I'm not saying you should delete them necessarily, but spend the evening with friends, or go to a bar, club, or some sort of interest you have.  If you live in a gay friendly area, just go out.  Flirt in person.  It's much more fulfilling and has a much greater potential to end well.  But in the meantime, you don't need him NOW.  Jerk off and go about your day.  You're horny, not looking for a husband.

10.  Sex isn't the only thing that matters.

This is true in a relationship, but also true in your daily life.  If all you do is immerse yourself in grindr and porn when you get home, you're not looking for a husband, you're looking to get off.  See the previous statement.  You're just horny.  Save yourself eight hours after work and jerk off when you get home, and then go do something fun with friends or family.

11.  Attracting a good man is like catching a fish.

You have to be very patient.  If you reel him in too fast you will lose him.  But, reel him in too slowly however and he will break away.

12.  Mr. Right doesn't sleep with you on the first date.

He also doesn't sleep with you on the second, third... etc.  He gets to know you.  He shows genuine interest in you as a person.  When he looks at you, he isn't gauging how hot you are naked.  He's reflecting on how amazing you are as a person.  One of the biggest reasons he doesn't sleep with you on the first date is because he values more than sex.  A relationship built on sex is really just two fuck buddies having fun.  Mr. Right controls himself at first and builds a relationship on a deeper level before sex.  There's lots of sex to be had out there and new sex does have a lot of strong feelings surrounding it.  Intimate sex (sex had between two committed people) is even more fulfilling, but there's an in between time where eyes will wander to new sexual partners, if there isn't other non-sexual reasons why the guy doesn't want to stray.

13.  The guys with the longest fuses have had the most experience.  

There is a direct relation to the speed at which they cum and the number of times they've performed the given sex act.  It's not that the act becomes boring, but that sex is a very mental experience.  The reason you cum when you do is in your head.  You cum quickly because you're over excited.  You can't cum at all because you've conditioned yourself to be difficult (or your drunk and mentally can't focus.. again it's mental).  The most experienced guys can plan when they cum.  They can cum almost on command with an attractive partner.  Look for these guys.  As long as they're always safe, there's no risk involved with sleeping with a guy who's had a lot of experience.  In fact, I'd highly recommend it.  There's nothing worse than him shooting in thirty seconds and you sitting there and jerking yourself off as he cleans up, especially if he was fucking you or you were fucking him.  Then the fun's basically over and you might as well just have watched porn at home.  Also avoid drugs like molly and ecstasy when having sex.  They may make the sex amazing, but they will kill regular non-drugged sex for you.  The same is true of poppers.  You should, frankly, avoid all three regardless for a variety of reasons.

And finally...

14.  Guys lie.

They lie about their intentions.  They lie about their experiences.  They lie about where they were Saturday when they called off a date.  

The easiest way to chase away liars is to not give out.  Liars do not stick around if there is no sex.  If you want to find an honest guy, don't put out for a while.  See if he sticks around.  See if he continues to put effort into the relationship.  If he does, then he's a keeper.  If not, move on.  He's not going to be the one for you.  He's in it for the sex.

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