This is All I Have to Say

Oh, and this.... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! McSame is suffering from advanced dementia! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Ahh, now I feel better.

Heading Back

Well, as you can tell from my last post, I've been feeling very random tonight. But, I think, in randomness there is a lesson to be learned. That lesson? I'll make sure to get back to you on that when I figure it out.

Regardless, or perhaps irregardless of that, I'm heading back tomorrow. That should be fun. A couple of days of rest and relaxation before getting back to the daily grind. I always find this time of year interesting. Not this year. So I suppose I should say that I nearly always find this time of year interesting or that I used to find this time of year interesting but now I don't. Damn, I need to digress.

I did a lot of new things this summer and they were a lot of fun, but I never really got around to thinking about myself, which is something I believe that everyone should do at least for a week every now and then. It's unfortunate too because I need to free up some more space in my active memory if you will. There's too too much bouncing around in there, as opposed to too much which upon retrospection seems about right. I'm not trying to be funny, I'm just being "funny". That's funny weird and not funny ha ha. Funny ha ha is running around the stage at graduation completely naked. Funny weird is doing it at a preschool. Isn't it odd that something that is funny weird upon thought is very funny ha ha. Go figure.

When heading back I like to think that I've accomplished something, and I have. But, this year the something that I have accomplished is not so much for the mental me as it is for others and in truth also the future me. That is to say, what I've done will benefit me in my future endeavors but not as much now. My mind is running a mile a minute and I don't like going into new things (or old things anew) in such a state. Hopefully over the next couple of days before everyone else arrives I can get my mental affairs in order. A sound mind is as much if not more important than a sound body.

Now I'm not saying that I'm unstable, not in the least. What I am saying is that I'm wandering aimlessly. For instance, it's 3:43 AM and I'm typing this for no reason instead of sleeping.

So, as I said way way back up at the top of this rambling mess, I'm heading back tomorrow. I'll enjoy a couple of days of quiet and hopefully be able to commit to stuff for more than ten minutes at a time afterward. We'll see.

FFF

A Word

Well, for this whole thing to be effective, and yes pointed, I'm afraid that I must in fact use more than just one word. The idea of "one word", not taken literally, as it never is, is in fact a stand in for I'd like to speak shortly or frankly about something. Honestly I'd love to walk up to someone, and you should try this too, tell them that I want to have a word with them, pull them to the side, say "ducksauce", and walk away. I think it would provide a powerful insight into the idea that much of language is based on inferred meaning and not on the actual literal content of its words. But I digress, to a completely different topic might I add.

I don't do "observational" pieces; I do however often do observational pieces. See the difference? No? Then it's a good thing I'm still here and in such a flaky mood. (Corn or frosted, I can't decide...) "Observational" pieces talk about events or settings or people. They are firmly rooted in the occurrences of my every day life. And, as I'm sure you would agree, my every day life is not something that makes good bedtime reading. Although, granted it would likely put you to sleep.

I do observational pieces. The no these things " " kind. I muse on life and the questions and answers that flow freely from the bored mind of a thoroughly randomesque mindset. For instance, I could talk about what I think about the DNC so far, as I have watched it extensively these past three nights. Hey, when it comes to life, I figure an informed person is an alert person. But the problem is that I don't think that's interesting at all. I don't care if you think along the same lines as me in such mundane areas. Oh it went well. Oh, it could've gone better. Oh, I don't know. Tra-la-la. Who gives a fuck. This sort of thinking is better left to tabloid news networks like Fox who kept interrupting their coverage for equally mundane things like weather reports and mindless and baseless commentary. Now that would be something to talk about. Something interesting. But, I've already said everything that I'm willing to say about that for tonight so I'll move on.

Tomorrow or the next day, or sometime in the near future, however I will speak about something that came to mind after listening to the DNC speeches tonight and that is HIV/AIDS. But again, I'm not going to go into that here and now.

So, what am I going to say?

Ducksauce.

Rantings of A Mad Man: Oh Shit! It's Part XX

If silence is golden then is noise leaden?

Why is it that when we're alone for long periods of time we begin to sense impending attack? Or is it just me?

Have you ever noticed that in a box of Fruit-By-The-Foot that the Strawberry flavored ones will always be left to last? Surely after the box is long since gone, there will still be a few Strawberry ones left over.

Isn't it a bit ironic that all those who think that Ron Paul is the best candidate (or that libertarianism is the best ideology) are those people who believe that if the government removed all support systems that they above all others will rise to the top of the pyramid. Isn't it just ironic that some how they believe that removing all government assistance will catapult them above those people who already don't use it. Ironic. No?

From what I can tell fans (ceiling, floor, desk, etc.) all rotate in the clockwise fashion. Are there any that buck the trend?

At what point does one become a veteran? I'm not talking about those in the armed services, that conveyance of veteranship is clear, but of ball players, journalists, legislators, and the such. Is there a day in which one second they are not and then they are a veteran? Are there laws legislating such a title? I for one hope not.

Who designed the pattern on a baseball? Seriously, I'm curious.

What is so special about Egyptian cotton? Sounds like a marketing gimmick to me.

Martin Van Buren was the only truly bilingual president. He also spoke Dutch at home.

Roman numerals really fuck up alphabetical order.

When I was in pre-school we did a project where we dipped our feet in paint and printed them on a single white piece of paper. For some reason thereafter I denied having done it barefoot. I haven't the slightest idea why.

Support the Troops! I question if they really mean that. Surely they mean "support OUR troops". The very idea of supporting ALL troops seems very unlike them. Likewise, "support the troops" is a verbal cue. Proportionally, it's seen more in speech than in writing. So maybe just maybe, they mean "support the TROUPES" as in the actors guild or something. Could it be that a bunch of war-raging, stick branding, red necks could have a secret penchant for musical theater? Mm, your right, probably not.

If a typist types what do dentists and racists do?

If a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear it is George W. Bush still paranoid that it might be harboring weapons of mass destruction?

While you should pay your income and property taxes each year, sometimes you can get away with not doing so. At least for a little while. Is it possible that we can do the same for sales tax? Can we ask the cashier to wave the charge and let you deal with the IRS later? I think what we really need to ask is: "What can we do as individuals to make this nation more bureaucratic?"

And finally:

If you don't give a shit, you should at least take one.

Cheers!

FFF

My Everything Philosophy

I hate philosophers. They make the world needlessly complicated. Read some of their ramblings and you'll understand what I mean. All of them needlessly complicate life and needlessly complicate the language that they use to convey it to give their position more assumed importance. You don't need to be a master linguist to be a philosopher. Isn't a philosopher just an observer who makes reasoned guesses? I think so. Will it sink or will it float? Autumn leaves--float. Check. ...Grandma in a Buick--hmm... sink. Who'da thunk it? ...Erm... excuse me a second...

...Where was I? Oh right. My philosophy about everything is that everything is blatantly simple. Sometimes things are so simple that we don't even realize them for what they are. Like for instance, George W. Bush is a braying jackass. Had we realized in 2000 that the desire to have a beer with one is synonymous with buffoonery, we would've saved ourselves a lot of trouble. Go figure.

In the end, the world is complex, but each piece of it is simple. If we look at the world simply we will find more answers, more accurately, than if we blow hot air up our own asses -- or vote for George W. Bush.

I Do Enjoy the Vagaries of Life

Whenever it rains on a sunny day,
Whenever night sweeps noon away,
Whenever your dreams are delayed,
And fate lets come whatever may,

Remember that it happened -- my way.

Monopoly Part 2: What Would Life Be Like If It Were a Game of Monopoly?

Now that I think of it, I think I've stumbled across a Bill-O talking point. That's Bill-O not Jell-O, although I hear that they are both comprised primarily of bone dust, corn syrup, and food coloring...

Regardless, let's take a look at Monopoly. It's a very socialist game if you think about it. You start out with $1500. Imagine that. $1500 for nothing. It's just given to you, by the bank, the central governing authority. And everyone gets the same amount! Wow-wee! What a deal!

Then there's GO. Every time you pass GO you collect ANOTHER $200! For what? Don't ask me.

And just when you need it here comes Community Chest! A local slush fund for your spending needs!

What about Luxury Tax and Income Tax! Profit sharing! 10% or $200 for Income Tax. $75 for the Luxury sort! It's criminal! And you know that everyone lands on Income Tax more often. They plan it that way some how! They must! Who ever lands on Luxury Tax? Only the rich! Of course! Who's ever heard of a poor person losing their last cents on Luxury Tax? Doesn't happen!

Then there's Free Parking and it's bastard cousin Just Visiting! Who's ever heard of free parking. It's almost communist to me! Imagine a government run facility interfering in your private lives. Fuck no! And Just Visiting! Imagine! Criminals getting cordial visiting rights! NEVER! It's not about rehabilitation. It's not about fostering the desire to turn one's self around and become a part of society again. NO! It's about seclusion and punishment!

Then there's all the railroads! They all cost the same! How could they? Surely not in a real society. We can't have poor railroads subsidized by government! It's an unnecessary tax on the wealthier stops! The property values aren't worth the same! Who would want to travel through the Purples and Light Blues! Honestly one's Chinese even! They should just knock down all of those tenement houses and make room for my new mini-mall! Eminent domain! It's for the good of society!

And to cap it all off, look at the subliminal message that Monopoly gives to our kids! When you get all of one color or utility the rent DOUBLES! Imagine the audacity that these people have telling us that prices would go up if someone holds a corner on the market! BAH! Prices would surely go down with greater export capacity, streamlined ventures, and greater centralization! Only a fool would say otherwise!

So that's what it is. Monopoly! A bunch of SOCIALIST PROPAGANDA!

Where's it going to end! Won't someone please think of the children!

Monopoly Part 1

It's hard sometimes keeping faith in mankind, but you know that every now and then if we look hard enough we can find something that sort of proves to us that no matter how fucked up this world gets somewhere someday everything will be alright.

Monopoly is one of those sort of universal experiences that we all have and something therein I believe is very bolstering in the faith department. Say we've been playing for a while and most of the properties are out. And you know, some of the players have houses and hotels by now and others are just barely hanging on, playing the dice version of Russian Roulette every time they turn the corner after Marvin Gardens.

It's a really cutthroat game too sometimes. An "in it to win it" mentality if I do say so, but I digress. Very competitive. Sometimes dangerously so in fact. But you know after the dice are rolled and your fate is set in stone, Pacific Avenue and that big old red roofed inn, you don't balk out of your responsibility. I sure don't. So we lose everything. Whoop-dee-do. There will be other games. It's not that important after all.

I'm not going to launch a stealth attack on their Light Blues. No one does. You pay the person. There's no debate. There's no bullshitting Mr. Moneybags. It doesn't work that way.

Imagine... A board game doesn't work that way. Wouldn't it be nice if real life worked that way from time to time. A little honesty in practice. A little responsibility. Even a six year old cops to having rolled that seven and landing on your hotel. They don't deny it. They don't pretend to miscount. They don't threaten you. Or bully you. Or otherwise try to convince you to otherwise drop your rental fee. It doesn't happen.

Oh what would life be like if we played it a little more like Monopoly?

Requiem

I don't know how to begin to describe the impact that George Carlin had on my work and on my life. I suppose that's as good a start as any come to think of it. Regardless, he taught us to laugh at all the bull shit that society was founded on and to tear it down piece by piece. Politics, religion, social mores, the whole lot. He taught us that laughter was as powerful a weapon as any and that to live life successfully one must not take it all too seriously. It's the serious ones that you have to look out for. The serious people are the ones that cause all the trouble in this world, if I may borrow a concept. He taught us that when life kicked you in the balls to kick it back in kind.

His was a labor of love. What good is it to live if one does not love what they do? And, his observation will be missed by the fringe Left. His foresight was a burden that he bore for more than 50 years, 22 albums, hundreds of television appearances, and thousands of shows. He taught us to look at the world differently, to escape from vested interest and see society for what it is, for the most part self-serving and viral. His words spoke to generations. They transcended age. It will be a cold dark day when his message finally disappears into the void.

If there is anything at all that he has taught us it would be to question. Question law. Question religion. Question tradition. Question life. Why do we do this? Why do we think this? What is in it for you? What do they really mean? Read between the lines. Politicians and liars are not mutually exclusive of one another, the opposite is closer to the truth. Everyone has a means to their end and executes on this means to the best of their ability.

I wonder though what he thought as he lay in the hospital bed fighting to remain conscious, a coma and then death quickly on the horizon. What could he have thought? I suppose questions of mortality are best left to the dead. How could we know anything about the action.

In the end what matters is that we know that society is presently fucked. In George's own observation we must change two things if society is to come to anything close to a happy ending. We must abolish religion, which makes us feel unworthy and makes us feel others unworthy. And we must rid ourselves of consumerism and materialism. We are the diggers of our own graves through pollution or nuclear war; we drive ourselves into poverty buying lotto tickets and cable TV; we kill each other in the name of primacy. With these two concepts, mankind is doomed. He said it. We know it. And yet, it continues.

All hail one of the greatest philosophers to ever have lived.

George Carlin you will be missed.

-FFF

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George Carlin died at 5:55pm on June 22nd 2008 of a pre-existing heart condition. Before now I didn't know how I wanted to address this issue and now that it is done it seems so inconsequential. It's difficult to describe the concept behind George Carlin and his life's work. Perhaps, it is just better to proffer an example of it. It is to him that I dedicate this blog and all of my work therein.