Internet Jargon and Whatnot

I can't believe I actually used the word "whatnot". Damn, now I hate myself, but let's just keep moving...

You know, I'm getting really sick and tired of internet jargon. LOL, GTG, G2T, L8R, ur, TTYL, TY, ASL, WTF, BF, GF, LMAO, LMFAO, GG, GL, GS, BS, ROTF, ROTFL, ROTFLMAO, ROTFLMFAO and those are just the uppermost tier of them in my view. I especially love the ones that I have to think about for a minute.

In my opinion, if LMFAO explains exactly how you're feeling at the moment then by all means use it, but I don't know how it could, I can't even pronounce that shit. Lem-fowh?

Regardless, if you mean to say ROTFLMFAO, I think that the situation warrants the use of the actual words. I mean this is a once (maybe twice) in your lifetime occurrence! For god's sake say it like you mean it.

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FlyFreeForever: Hey Gus, right now, seriously man, I'm rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off! I just hope my ass doesn't go that far, I'm going to need it to take a crap later, if not the contents therein beforehand to take my calculus test. Talk to you later. I have got to go find my ass!

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Hmm, that would be a nice one: TTYLIHGTGFMA. Now I'd even use that one.

Did you ever notice that when these internety pricks start with the LOL crap that they seem to be doing a hell of a lot more laughing than is normal for the average sane person? Four, five, six, seventy times in a conversation! They're laughing every other line, and that other line is yours! You're not that funny! It takes someone with the IQ of that grape flavored popsicle that you found in the back of your freezer in the middle of this past February to limit themselves to only one reaction to everything you say.

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FlyFreeForever: ...and I says to the man. No YOU go fuck yourself!

PretentiousAsshole: LOL!!! LOL1! LMFAO!!!!!!!!

FlyFreeForever: But other than that, my day's really sucked. My great-aunt died this morning in a car accident.

PretentiousAsshole: ROTFLMFAO!!!!

FlyFreeForever: Dude! It's not fucking funny! It took six hours to ID her she was such a mess.

PretentiousAsshole: Haha LOL!

FlyFreeForever: Dude! Go fuck yourself! I sit here and tell you that my great-aunt....

PretentiousAsshole: LOL

FlyFreeFoever: FUCK YOU! I'M LEAVING!

PretentiousAsshole: TTYL

*And so on*

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I've probably said this before, but would someone please give that asshole a fucking thesaurus! Or maybe it's that they're TOO busy with the other twelve people they're "chatting" with that they can pay attention to my dead family member! That's like calling me, setting the phone down on the table and going to watch television, occasionally shouting in acknowlegement. And I know there are people who do that. They're the same fucking person as the internety pretentious asshole! Maybe instead of watching TV they're online in their parents basement with fifty or sixty of their closest friends, listening to you, while folding laundry, finishing their chemistry homework, and listening to the ballgame on the radio or finding the cure to AIDS or cancer. These are the same exact people who also interrupt you while talking on the phone because they have an "incoming call". Hey, fuck them I was here first! It isn't Jesus on the other line, call them back while you're doing your chemistry homework will you!

When it comes right down to it, I don't care if someone uses it every now and then. Casually drop in a TTYL in the middle of a statement, sure at least I know that the conversation is just about over. But you know why these things were developed right? No? It's for those people who think themselves really great for being able to carry on eight or nine fucking conversations at the same time! It's these pretentious assholes, who want to seem to you the onlooker as if they're SO damn important. It's networking! It's what we're all supposed to be doing. Hands across America! Fuck that. The only networking I want to do is at sea. And at least that way, I get to eat too, instead of just bloating up on a false sense of self-worth.

You know what I do when I'm playing a round of 9-Ball with some pretentious internet-jargon-using asshole and they start with the ASL's?

I answer! Oh yeah I do! But then I add a little jargon of my own...

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PrententiousAsshole: Hi

FlyFreeForever: [sigh...] Hey

PrententiousAsshole: ASL?

FlyFreeForever:63, tranny, Burkina Faso

PrententiousAsshole: [silence....]

FlyFreeForever: TKDKS?

PrententiousAsshole: ???

FlyFreeForever: TKDKS? THY? LLO?

PrentetiousAsshole: huh?

FlyFreeForever: LDL? TYDK?

PretentiousAsshole: [...leaves game]

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That shuts them up real quick. OR, they try and be a smart ass and start answering with indiscriminate words like "yeah" or "err, dunno" or "LLO! POTL! YOD?"

But I've got them beat. I never said I speak English! Then the real fun begins. Boy do I love to fuck with pretentious internety assholes. You have no idea! Once in a while, I'm really surprised however, they actually play along, not just stumble along blindly in the dark as the masked axe-wielding maniac draws nearer and nearer to ending their pathetic little lives, but really plays along. When I find one of those glorious assholes, bitter as I am, and equally (if that is possible) cynical, then hell yeah I'm game. You rack; I crack. Let's get the fuck going!

But as we all know, for every wonderfully humorous Anon there's five hundred billion other assholes. I suppose it's such in just about everything. Too bad, I'd really like to meet someone who truly understands my humor. Then the real fun would begin.