Wednesday, January 25, 2006

For Symmetry's Sake: It Kept Me Up Last Night, Again

If water drains clockwise in the northern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the southern hemisphere how does it drain when directly on the equator?

China's #3 best selling commodity is adult diapers.

There are more suicides each year than there are murders.

If a tree falls in the woods and only a deaf person is around to hear it, what happens?

Who cares if he ever inhaled?

When Reagan told Gorbachev to "tear down that wall" it had already been in the process of being torn down for over a week. In fact the piece of wall shown had to be protected just so it wouldn't be damaged before the speech.

The human race is descendant of one man and one woman? So we're all brothers and sisters?

How the hell do moebius strips do that?!

Did you know that the website www.sex.com was just sold for 12 million dollars?

Of all the precipitations, why can't it hail more?

Why isn't there a synonym for the word synonym?

Some believe that lead poisoning led to the fall of the Roman Empire. (Wine casks were made with lead-based clay. The acid in wine brings the lead out.)

Why do women think they're too fat and men think they're too thin?

Why would you ever pull something called a "wisdom" tooth?

I bet a guy came up with the idea of penis envy.

The egg came before the chicken. Dinosaurs laid eggs way before chickens even existed. So there.

Why does anyone think a pill will enlarge their penis? It's like having a pill to make your thumb grow. Ridiculous really if you think about it.

The moon creeps 3-4 inches further away from the Earth every year.

Within 10,000 years, the north pole will interchange with the south pole. It's happened numerous times in the past too.

The Atlantic Ocean broadens at about the same rate as one's finger nails grow.

Countries using the death penalty believe that God will punish the criminal, yet it is considered a sin to think that someone is going to go to Hell (or Heaven for that matter).

Why is it that the more devout a religious person is the more lax "Thou shalt not kill" becomes?

It's motivated people that cause all the trouble.

1/2 of all children adopted in this country are adopted by homosexual couples.

Christ is not Jesus' last name. It means "the anointed one."

Every year holiday stuff comes out earlier and earlier in stores, I'm waiting for it to stay out all year round (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, the whole shebang.)

Why is the greatest thing to come from reality TV William Hung?

The hormone released during orgasm (oxytoxin) is a close relative to oxycontin.

The only reason I support people being abstinent is because if someone wasn't then we'd all have STI's by now.

AID's is 100% preventable within one generation. Why is it such a problem?

You know what, fuck the cute ones, marry the ugly ones. You'll thank me.

Everyone's taking some sort of prescription today. How the hell did we survive for 15,000 years without Prozac and Allegra?

Maybe we should all stop looking forward to Heaven when we die and realize that it's not the destination that's special it's the journey. In other words, Heaven is the trip to death. Let's worry more about living the journey than what exists after it. Anything we think up could only be speculation.

Who decided that dial-up modems are supposed to make obnoxious noises? Good thing that era passed.

Just stop and think about the brain power needed to type 30 words per minute.

Why is 12pt. the standard size of font? Why not 1pt.?

Why do drive-up ATM's have Braille on them?

Who was the sadistic bastard who put an "s" in the word lisp. (Introduce me please.)

Who's idea was it to nickname an SUV the "Hummer"? Regardless, sign me up for one, you can even skip the car.

You'd figure that someone would have bred shedding out of dogs by now.

If you think we're alone in the universe, just take a look up at the stars. If you still think we're alone, you are the vainest person I've ever met.

If there is no God, then how did anything come to exist?

And... If there is a God, what makes any of us think that we've got a clue what they're like at all?

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Support the Troops?

Hey, why the hell should I support people who are carrying out the whims of a president I don't like. They chose to sign up for the military; hopefully they were well informed on their duties before registering (otherwise I pity them). So for all intensive purposes, I believe my answer is no. No I do not support the troops. I support our men and women insofar as I don't wish to see them maimed or killed. I support their right to do with their lives whatever they wish. I respect their decision to put their lives in the hands of our president. However, because I don't support the war in any of its aspects or on any of its fronts, I cannot support the troops or their actions abroad at this time. If the war was just, sure I'd support them. I'd even fly one of those mini flags on my mail box or bumper sticker the back of my car to hell. Only of course, if the war was just.

Now I know what some people are going to say, republicans mostly, and those who can't think outside the box, or for themselves. "You're not being patriotic!" To this I can only reply, "NO SHIT." If being patriotic means supporting all of my country's endeavors into other nations, regardless of intent, endangering the lives of our service men and women, and making my country the laughing stock of the rest of the world, then yes I am un-patriotic in your eyes.

I like to see it as I am being more patriotic by choosing to express my true feelings instead of waving my rights in an effort of bipartisan camaraderie. I am patriotic, I use my rights on a daily basis. I fight for what I see as the best route for this country to take. I believe that when our leaders have veered off course, that is the responsibility of every citizen to help correct them. I am a Patriot.

Furthermore, I don't fly flags and I don't pledge allegiance to any symbol. That's what they are, symbols. I think George Carlin put it best. He said that "it's best to leave symbols to the simpleminded." If there was a pledge to the freedoms of speech, religion, press, petition, etc. I'd sure as hell pledge to that. But I won't pledge my allegiance to a country, if in doing so I pledge myself to unfailing support for it's leaders. Will I stand for the National Anthem? Yes, that's different. Instead of concerning yourself with singing it next time you're at a ballgame (though I am in support of that too) just listen to the words and see what this country was founded on and the sacrifices of the men and women who made it so.

Then they say that this is the same thing, that support for our Founding Fathers and support for our troops today requires the same commitment, that I'm a hypocrite. Unfortunately, if you really think those thoughts through you'd see the difference. (I support the troops from WWI and WWII too if it matters.) It is humanly possible to believe in one war and not another because of the reasons behind it. The way I see it is that you people who decide that capital punishment is okay but euthanasia or abortion is not are the ones being hypocrites.

Yet I know, maybe you have reasons too. Then again, once your dead, there's no reparation for a crime, there's no suffering, unless you believe in hell that is. By the way, it's also considered a sin to believe that someone is going to hell. Did you know that? Of course, frying someone is much better than making them labor out the rest of their lives building us shit, being a productive member of society and all. Besides, who gave the government the right to end a person's life? But I digress, this has little to do with the troops.

If you want to support our troops why not do them a favor and bring them home. How about this, instead of buying flags or yellow ribbons, send them a couple of dollars so they can properly equip themselves. Now that's supporting the troops. Hell I'd even do that; I don't want them to die after all. Besides, I'm sure they'd be more grateful for flak jackets than they would for yellow ribbons and flags (left out in the rain or tied to a car and progressively shredded). Then again, maybe some of them are simpleminded too just like the rest of you. Me, I'm practical. To me, helping the troops has to be something tangible, something that will keep them alive on the battlefield.

But hey, I know what you're thinking. I'm nuts right. Sure as Hell I am. Besides, what's a democrat to do? Actually fighting a war would be too much, right? Funny thing is, I am fighting a war, you're just to simpleminded to figure it out.

PROOF POSITIVE... Something in the last paragraph can be taken two ways. Do you see it?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Our Neighbors to the North Among Other Things

Today might not seem like that big of a day in the life of average Americans, but it is for our friends to the north. Today is Canada's election day. Let me be the first person to congratulate the apparent winner, Stephen Harper. And allow me if you will to provide you with a brief description of his qualifications... He graduated from the University of Calgary with a masters degree in economics, founded the Reform Party, was elected to the House of Commons (1993-1997), leader of the Canadian Alliance in 2002, united them with the Progressive Conservative Party, and in 2004 was selected to lead the new Conservative Party for which his presently ran for Prime Minister.

That said, what does it matter to us here in the States?

Simple, he is a hardline conservative compared by competitors to the likes of George W. Bush and Pat Robertson. Of course, you can take that for a grain of salt if you wish. They are competitors after all.

Paul Martin, the present Prime Minister, used this tactic because Canadians don't like George W. Bush or American politics in general. The only reason Harper may be elected is because the Liberal Party has been under scrutiny as of late. A couple of bad apples are going to ruin the political pie for Canada for the next couple of years. Again, if you're conservative you wouldn't mention this. Of course if it were the other way around, I'm sure there are some liberals who wouldn't mention it either. (Again, the grain of salt thing.)

All I can hope is that the polls are wrong (and they have been in the past), that Martin will win and Stephen Harper, Jack Layton, and Gilles Duceppe will lose. I am after all against most of what these people believe.

Canada just passed a law allowing civil unions -- as close to gay marriage as semantic-driven simpleminded people could be expected to agree upon. (Not just in Canada but in the U.S. too.)

I don't believe in civil unions, but so long as simpleminded fools are in charge, so be it. I believe that everyone is equal. Not because a document tells me they are, not because God tells me they are, but because I believe that to expect fair treatment one must return fair treatment. I expect to be treated fairly, therefore I treat others fairly. I do not believe that it is right to alienate or ostracize anyone for their beliefs, feelings, or opinions and likewise expect that others will do the same for me. If they don't then fuck them. They can believe whatever they want, but I won't respect them for it. I may respect them for other reasons, but that's beside the point. (Not everyone's perfect, but we're making progress.)

Therefore, I believe in equality regardless of any factors whatsoever. Steven Harper is against gay marriage. And even if he says that he won't overturn laws allowing it, I still will not respect him for holding those views. (Though in the large view, my opinion doesn't seem to matter, in the end it's all we have, if conservatives get their way. I mean, when freedoms of press, petition, and privacy are gone, what is there to do?)

Reality check, Harper was defeated by Martin in 2004. So, in the off-years he has weaked his views on many key issues such as health insurance and immigration so that he could pick up a stronger voter base in eastern Canada. Coupled with a weakened Liberal Party, he saw an opening. The thing is, after he's in charge, who's to say which version of him the world will see. Time will tell.

Of course Harper's election could have a small impact on politics in this country. He is after all a supporter of George W. Bush. Therefore they will represent some 3/4 of the population of the North America. Unfortunately, Bush only is respected by 35-40 of the U.S. and nearly none of Canada. Likewise, very few people in the U.S. have ever even heard of Stephen Harper, unless of course they're talking of the principle on a formerly popular TV show: Boston Public.

On a personal level I understand why Canadians are (seemingly) voting for Harper even though 3 of every 4 elections in the past century in Canada have gone to liberals. They want to squash corruption in their political process. Perhaps Ian Stewart, political science professor at Acadia University in Wolfville, Nova Scotia puts it best:

"Once a generation, Canadians get exceedingly cross with Liberals' egregiously high sense of entitlement and kick them out of office for their own rehabilitation."

On the bright side, Bush will only be around for three more years and in the broad scheme of things (no offense, really) Canada doesn't have a lot to do with world politics -- lucky them. So I guess what I'm saying is that Dubya may have another crony soon, but at least compared to the others he's claimed, Harper's a minor one.

I take great satisfaction in realizing that someday I will be able to tell my grandchildren that whatever conservative group may come to power in their day, that Dubya trumped them all. Never has a more inept man come to a position of power in the history of the world. At least when Hitler killed himself, the world was able to move on -- the Holocaust was over. When Dubya leaves, I know we'll be feeling the affects of his presidency for a long time. On the bright side, though I would like a liberal to win the presidency in 2008, I won't be as annoyed if a conservative did because in experiencing the policies of Bush, I can no longer fear Hell, because I've lived it. (Not that I feared Hell before, being agnostic and all.)

P.S. If you take offence to what I have said, now or ever, then forget you ever read it. It wasn't for you in the first place. And if you didn't understand it let me clarify: I am not a bigot. I am a Democrat. If you believe in the values of the Republican Party on social issues then I'm sorry, I see you as a bigot. I'm sorry if that makes you mad. I know plenty of people who are decent otherwise, and think of them no less. I'm very sorry but I can't support hate.

Peace.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Just a Thought...

Hey I bet I know where Osama Bin Laden is. Try looking in India. By the way, if I were him I would have shaved and left traditional Arabic attire behind. You'd be surprised how easily an Arab can mix in with Indians (not offense intended). It's gonna be hard to find him. Trust me. Like it or not, he is a brilliant man. He knows that the U.S. is looking for him in Afghanistan and isn't stupid enough to travel to Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Syria, or Iran. Pakistan is too close too. The Philippians are too far. He's in India.

Also, in his last speech he mentioned Pentagon records regarding the deaths of American soldiers on the rise. The first question I ask is why mention the Pentagon? He could just as easily have just said that deaths were on the rise without mentioning the Pentagon. In naming a specific source, I am led to believe that he has access to the Internet. It could be just a coincidence, but the way I see it, he has always chosen his words carefully, maybe this time he slipped a bit. Intelligent as I give him credit for, I don't think he's that intelligent. Or maybe it's just a very clever, multi-level ruse and he's really still in a cave somewhere. Who knows.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Ten Things I Would Do to Make America Better

10. Get rid of political correctness. Arguing about language is just petty. How can we expect to solve the big problems if we cannot even agree on the words to describe them.

9. Minimize the trade deficit by levying a heavy tax on imports from China and India. This will also reverse outsourcing and bring industrial jobs back to this country.

8. Pay off the national debt. There's no reason in the present state of society for us to be in debt to Chinese investors. If they were to pull out funds all at once at this point, our nation would go bankrupt.

7. Stop interfering with Microsoft. Technology is one of the few fields that we are capable of leading the world in within the next decade. Don't inhibit companies from making advances with frivolous lawsuits.

6. Repeal the Bush tax cuts and pave the God damned roads. Afterwards, use the money to fund public education.

5. Have democrats retool the No Child Left Behind Act. Let's be serious here, Republicans' priorities don't include the education of our children. It's best for the children to let the liberal institution that is education be governed by liberal standards. It would make everything much easier.

4. Abortion has been set as precedent in the United States Supreme Judicial Court. It has been upheld 32 times. Get over it. If you don't want an abortion don't get one, but stop telling other women what they can and can't do with their bodies.

3. End the war in Iraq. Here's an idea: split the nation into three separate countries and move out. If one of them decides at a later date to "harbor terrorists" then bomb the hell out of them alone and not the other two.

2. Make reparations with countries that we have pissed off. You know, they're people too. We have no right to claim to be better than them. Say you're sorry, mean it, put it in writing, and get the hell out of international affairs. At this critical time in our country's development we cannot afford to be fighting a war on poverty at home and a verbal battle with other countries. In addition, in making reparations, other countries may be more apt to support anti-terrorism legislation coming out of this country.

1. Eliminate the Protection of Marriage Act and Capital Punishment. Our country needs to stand united in its efforts to proliferate peace worldwide. We must first begin on the home front. The United States is years behind the rest of the western world in these areas and it's time we catch up. Without the support of the western world, like it or not, we will not succeed as a nation and certainly not as a super power.


AND JUST BECAUSE THESE 10 THINGS AREN'T HARD ENOUGH TO ACCOMPLISH...

Cut up every credit card in the United States. Pass a law restricting the use of credit cards on purchases of more than the amount of cash one will make in a given year based on the previous year's tax statement. Raise the minimum payment to 20% of the greatest amount of the debt. Eventually, we must switch from credit cards over to debit cards. In addition, we must restrict credit card companies from giving cards to people with a history of debt or bankruptcies. In draining our pockets paying interest on our debts, we slow the economy far slower than any tax refunds can repay. This goes the same for the national debt. We are bleeding ourselves dry paying interest.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

It Kept Me Up Last Night

Just a couple of thoughts that have been bugging me...

Isn't it just special that to be right in this country one needs only to be in the majority?

They say that utopia is impossible, but they're wrong. Utopia is just a place or state of ideal perfection. At any given time someone somewhere fits this mold, a good deal of people actually. (Hell, the CEO of Yahoo made 150 million last year.) The reason most "utopias" fail is that they look towards communal existence instead of personal fulfillment.

People tend to drift towards those more attractive than they are. Besides, how many people do you know that date/marry those less attractive than themselves? (Those that do are the real catch.) If attractiveness is subjective how does society choose who is pretty and who isn't? If you can only be prettier or uglier than someone, then 50% of the people you meet are uglier and 50% are prettier than than you on average.

The most popular music in western society describes or personifies suffering.

What do you do if a cop cuts you off in traffic?

Democracy is a selfless act, half the time to the majority and all the time to the minority.

The strongest candidate for the Democratic Party in 2008 is Al Gore.

Politics makes up the largest part of how I judge people. For me, it is my greatest insight into their character. Then why the hell are so many of my friends further to the right than me?

When flipping a coin always pick heads. The tails side is slightly heavier and will fall downwards slightly more often than heads will.

True all countries have racism, classism, sexism, etc. At least in this country we are all equal on paper. That way we're half way there.

A smile is the greatest aphrodisiac. If you not getting any, show some teeth.

If the scale on the map is 1:47,000,000 and I lined up 47,000,000 of them in a square, would I cover the earth? If I lined up every every page of every copy of the Boston Globe tomorrow would I accomplish the same?

The greatest thinkers, musicians, comedians, performers of our time have (on a whole) a past exploration of psychedelic drugs.

More than 50% of all prescriptions written for Prozac and Ritilin are for questionable cases. Allergy drugs are even higher.

Whoever the first person to eat a pineapple was, I bet it was on a dare.

As Americans we preach democracy abroad yet quell it at home in the process.

Just know that when you begin to smell yourself, you've been stinking up everything else for far too long.

The largest consumer of lettuce in the United States is McDonald's.

So long as we're satisfied with gas priced coming back down to a balmy $2.25/gal the oil companies are going to win.

Why did Exxon-Mobil make 9 billion dollar profit last quarter? (P.s. there are four quarters in a year.)

Someone please name a country that we're not angry with. Please?

Someone please name a country who's people aren't angry with the U.S. government. Please?

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe six billion people worldwide are right and half of our country is wrong?

The greatest music never reaches No. 1.

I bet I can give you a dozen songs that you would directly relate to lighting up.

Who can put Humpty-Dumpty together again?

A great portion of health problems in this country are created by obesity and smoking, both completely preventable.

Who picked 60 watts as the standard level of indoor lighting?

The sky isn't blue, the ocean is. Or was it the other way around?

Porn makes up approximately 27% of the internet.

Just a testament to how simple the human mind really is, the most popular street name in the United States is Main St.

Time moves slower below sea level than it does above it. (Gravity is infinitesimally stronger.) Theoretically you'd live longer on Earth than on Mars.


More to come...

...some other time.

Friday, January 13, 2006

A Personal Note

To Whom It May Concern,

Why don't I consider myself a member of the Catholic Church anymore?

Simple.

I don't support organizations that hide the molestations and rapes of children. And until this issue is resolved, I am ending my membership in the organization. True they do do some good things, but I cannot begin to imagine any amount of good that makes up for even one molestation.

I was born Catholic, raised Catholic, Baptized, Confirmed, and have lost all desire to support the values and virtues that they hold true. I don't want their help with my life and I sure as hell don't want to help them with theirs. In truth I'm am disgusted by the Church and it's present course. John Paul II kept me there, he was a genuinely loving man who cared for his people. I had hope that he could turn things around. But now, I have no reason to stay. I'm not going to try and fix their problems. I'm leaving. And I don't know if or when I will come back.

Signed,

B.R.P.S.
(FlyFreeForever)

Peace.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Searching For Meaning: Does God Exist?

If God exists then he/she/it/whatever is the most cold and inhuman thing in the universe. The greatest people on this celestial plane (pun intended) are known as great for their services to society. What has God done for us? Given us life? We wouldn't have known the difference if he hadn't. That's like someone shoveling your driveway for you in the middle of the summer. It was a nice thought but really didn't to anything for you at all.

If God exists what can we expect when we die? I for one want answers. Screw answering for my sins, what about those times I locked my keys in the car? Where was God when someone died, when I almost died? "It was their time," they say. God called them up. Well then when God calls me up, I'm not answering. I'm staying right here. Just this once I'm gonna be a little child: MAKE ME! And then drag me kicking and screaming. God wasn't there for me before I died, why the hell would I want him in my life after I died?

They say that God works through people. Hey reality check, I'm a nice person and I like to think when I do something nice for someone that it was of my own free will not just some puppet master pulling on my strings. So what you're saying is that God works through people to do kindness to others. Then we are only vessels of another's kindness. Does this mean that all the other crap, the lousy stuff we do to each other, is the real us's shining through. Or is this Satan working through us the same way God does? If so, then when are we ourselves? Likewise, how can we be judged by God for actions that we didn't have anything to do with? Actions that we could neither perform nor prevent.

Then they say that God works through us sometimes, that when he needs us to participate in his grand plan, we are his vessels to mankind. So he's working to complete a plan predestined before we were ever born? A plan that we have no control over or impact on? So we are predestined to Heaven or Hell? Our lives don't matter? Why are we here then unless our sole purpose is to be puppets to the All-Knowing Puppet Master. Besides, if God is all-knowing then God already knows how each of our lives is going to unfold, knew at the beginning of time how it was going to end, punished Adam and Eve for crimes that God knew they had to commit.

They say that God gave us his greatest gift free will. (I thought they said that his greatest gift was life, and then his son, and then the Holy Spirit, and so on. But I digress...) God gave us free will to do with ourselves everything that we wanted. Primarily he left us ignorant of evil, so that in his perfection, he only made something perfect too. But ignorance itself is an imperfection. In leaving us ignorant of evil he also left us completely susceptible to Satan like someone living downwind of Molokai. In leaving us ignorant, God let Satan trick us into eating from the Tree of Knowledge. (Where but in the Bible is knowledge a bad thing?) Then he punished us, casting Adam and Eve from the Garden, making them have to till the soil tirelessly for food, and caused child birth to be painful...

"16To the woman also he said: I will multiply thy sorrows, and thy conceptions: in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children, and thou shalt be under thy husband's power, and he shall have dominion over thee. 17 And to Adam he said: Because thou hast hearkened to the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldst not eat, cursed is the earth in thy work; with labour and toil shalt thou eat thereof all the days of thy life. (Genesis 3:16-17)."

So basically what happened is that the all-knowing God who by definition must have known that they would have eaten from the Tree, punished them for something they were predestined to do? Furthermore, I ask this: Didn't Satan commit the actual crime here? He tempted Adam and Eve, and in not knowing any better they believed the snake, just as they would believe everything God said. Shouldn't he be the only one punished here? Barring that, at least Adam and Eve should have had a lighter sentence (I agree that theoretically they did disobey what he said).

"And the Lord God said to the serpent: Because thou hast done this thing, thou art cursed among all cattle, and beasts of the earth: upon thy breast shalt thou go, and earth shalt thou eat all the days of thy life. (Genesis 3:14)."

It seems to me that both the serpent and Adam and Eve pretty much received the same punishment. Even though Adam and Eve were innocent ["And the eyes of them both were opened" (when they ate the fruit) (Genesis 3:7)] they received the same punishment as the serpent who apparently already had the knowledge that God wouldn't privy Adam and Eve to. Therefore, Adam and Eve were punished for being innocent, which is how God made them. God of course would know this was the case, but still he punished them?

By the way, did you catch the "and thou shalt be under thy husband's power, and he shall have dominion over thee" line from above? (Genesis 3:16). Apparently God decided that man would have power over woman, essentially that every woman married in a Christian, Jewish, or Muslim (the Jewish also use the Old Testament and Muslims see a version of it in the Koran as well) wedding is owned by her husband. Why would a perfect being discriminate against one of his own creations? Why would God discriminate at all? Also in the same passage God said "I will multiply thy sorrows, and thy conceptions" (Genesis 3:16). Again talking to Eve: God will multiply thy conceptions? The way I see it, it takes two to conceive. So God's going to make men hornier or something? (Predestination?) I'm sure your girlfriend / wife would love to hear that it is because God is punishing her for Eve's mistake that he wants to get her in the sack. I think that seems rather like a know-nothing philosopher trying to make sense of why his wife doesn't have as strong a sex drive as him. And look it caught on too.

Summing everything up then, the way I see it, I'd be happier knowing that there is no God than to know that there is a vindictive, ignorant, tyrannical, all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing being that rules over us in life and death. Or maybe I'm missing something (I hope I am, no God does seem lonely. I'll explain some other time.). Then again, maybe it's just a testament to the existence of God that we are all fucked up in the first place, after all look where we came from and look what we are doing to each other.

Searching For Meaning: An Introduction

God.

It is both the most agreed upon and disputed idea that mankind has ever formulated.

What is God? Who is God? Why is God? Where is God? When is God?

God is a deity. His is a personage of everyone and everything possible. God is because we are. God is everywhere. God is there always.

Unfortunately, each answer I could come up with (being both unbiased and unassuming) accumulated nothing at all by existing. Each answer is vague and indiscriminate. Because God is what we are. Everyone sees God as something slightly (or extremely) different than everyone else. I cannot describe God any clearer without entering into my own beliefs, without becoming controversial. God is after all the most disputed idea that we have. It is different to each one of us and no one of us is willing to hold as their own an "average" view of what God is, a collection of similarities that we all share in common about God. This is why there are religious wars. We always find some fault with others' view of what God is, even though God is just that, God, to each of us.

That said, I aim in my subsequent pieces to be controversial, to find fault with others' views, to wage a religious war on all religious wars, and hopefully in the process help to discover for myself just exactly what God is to me. In doing so, I hope to impart on anyone who listens a sense of self, that in reading my words, you'll dispute me, you'll get angry, you'll get to thinking. Maybe then we'll be able to understand those three letters: G-O-D.

Friday, January 6, 2006

The Rantings of a Mad Man Part 5

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Six Figure Income,

The Simpsons are to cartoons what God is to organized religion. And we are all better for it. Take away The Simpsons and we deny ourselves a comic treasure in a sea of misshapen comedies and ridiculous reality programs. They are the husband, wife, and 2.5 children that personify American families today. Of course, you won't believe me, usually because it's not your thing, or the comedy is too crude (Family Guy?), or it is after all a cartoon and cannot personify anything approaching reality.

You just bash them because you can't see that they actually do personify the typical American family whether you like it or not. I know, I've been there, I live it everyday at home. Don't try to dispute me on this.

Ask anyone who's ever had to wonder when the next time they were going to be fed or where the hell they were going to find the money to pay the month's rent or a mortgage payment.

Ask someone who since birth has been asked to live up to the standards of others.

Ask someone who realizes that life isn't worth living if your not happy.

Ask someone who's taken a walk home the long way just so that they can postpone telling their family that they were laid off again.

Ask the abused wife or children.

Ask the single mother of a poor family of five that still manages to remain off welfare.

I'm coming from the real America, and sometimes you forget what it's actually like to live a lower or middle class life. Do us all a favor Mr. and Mrs. Six-Figure Income, before you judge someone, get to know them. That goes for all the rest of us too. You know, we're people too. Just because we don't have high paying jobs and a trust fund doesn't mean that we are any less equal. If anything, we're more equal, in that we realize that we are all intrinsically the same inside.

Because I realize that everyone needs incentives let me put it this way. GWB cut our taxes this year. And far be it for me to hope Reaganomics works, but just remember, charitable donations are tax deductible, how about throwing some money to those in need. It'll help you in the long run.

Sunday, January 1, 2006

5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!

So the year's over. It's time to crack open the bottles and get wasted. Hell, I'm getting outta here. But before I leave, if I may, my New Year's Resolution:

World Peace.

Even if it's only in my little piece of it.

Bring our troops home. Long live long life. Let's not write discrimination into our Constitution. And most importantly, let us all bring a little sanity into this crazy mixed-up world.

Happy 2006! Peace be with us all.