The Walk of Shame

Tonight's topic is the "walk of shame" or otherwise feeling bad about yourself after sleeping with someone.

There are two distinct types of this feeling.  The first is for sleeping with people you think are unattractive.  The second, and more potent, is sleeping with people whom you find very attractive.  Let me elaborate.

You meet someone on grindr, tindr, whatever.  You guys decide to get together purely for sex.  One time, no strings attached (good luck with that), and no expectations other than good sex (really though, good luck with that).

In Scenario One:  The guy that comes over (or whom you visit) you come to realize is not exactly as attractive as he was in all of the photos he sent you.  Yet, here's a perfectly good and willing cock/ass in the living room now.  What's a guy to do.  Leaving/asking him to leave would be super awkward and besides, you're really horny.  Maybe if you just close your eyes and think of someone else it won't be so bad.

After he leaves / you leave, a strong feeling of regret coupled with disgust in yourself / in the guy you slept with / surrounding the action of sleeping with an unattractive guy begins to overtake your mood.

In Scenario Two:  You both get together and he's really really amazingly gorgeous and probably even seems to be a nice guy.  And of course after, you feel awful about the whole situation.

In both scenarios, why do you feel bad after?  You don't always feel bad after, but this time you really did.  Why?

It's because humans are social creatures.  Your higher thinking brain can differentiate sex from love and companionship.  Your lower thinking brain however cannot.  If your lower brain is fulfilled by the encounter or disgusted by the encounter, afterward, it will make you depressed about it.  In the first scenario it's purely disgust or disappointment in yourself for settling so low for someone so unattractive.  In the second scenario it's a feeling that comes about because you want on some level for the guy to stick around, for it to not be a one night thing.  He fulfills your base instinctual sexual desires very well.  While your higher brain can separate sex from companionship, your lower brain wants that companionship and registers its disapproval of the hook up, largely in the form of a longing feeling or a lonely feeling but also in frustration and anger directed at oneself.

Moral of the story, don't fuck around with sex.  If you're attracted strongly to someone, don't hook up with them.  You'll feel terrible after.  And it goes without saying, if they're not attractive, just pass.  It's better for your mental state in the long run.  Sex is absolutely amazing.  Just make sure to choose your partners wisely to avoid the walk of shame.

Clothes

I'm going to tell you the biggest secret about clothes and I'm going to blaspheme and tell it like it actually is.  So gather 'round my gay brothers and I'll share with you the key to all gay fashion.

It's very simple, and it's true of straight fashion as well:

The person makes their clothes attractive.  Their clothes do NOT make them attractive. 

The same pair of jeans on two different people will look much different and wear much different.  They will appear to be more or less attractive depending on who is wearing them.  So look for clothing that promotes your attributes, both physical AND personality-wise.

Because laugh!

Life Goals

Everyone should have a plan for where there life is going.  It really goes without saying, but sadly too often people don't know.  You should have short, medium, and long term goals.  Each of these goals you should be on the path to achieving.  It's not a goal if you're not in motion toward it; that's a dream.  So, the following are a few of my goals.  Obviously everyone's goals will be different, but take from them what you can.

Short term goals:

At the moment I have a good paying job and stability.  Wonderful.  I'd like to continue that in the future.  Maybe not the same job or the same location, who knows what'll happen, but certainly the same career path.  Sometime in the next five years I would like to be a GM again, but in the meantime I am enjoying not having total responsibility for a restaurant.  Again, it may be in the same area, maybe back east, definitely not further west in this state, maybe somewhere else.  Who knows?  At the immediate moment I like where I am and the people I'm working with.  I know this business well enough though to know that this will change at some point and I may then move on.

In the next five years I'd like to find a husband.  Granted we may not be married in the next five years, maybe, but not necessarily, but I'd like to find him at least and work towards building a life together.  If I do find love, it may speed up the time frame for me leaving my current job location, if he's not in the immediate area.  This is unfortunately a near certainty as judging by the guys in the area... ehhh... I'll pass.  It's still better than the last place I lived, but guys around here are much more short term oriented.  They're finishing up school and moving home or to find that job they want or whatever. Too many just aren't going to stick around and at the same time don't look to get into serious relationships because they know they're not sticking around for good.  I'm different than most of the guys I know in that regard.  I can find a good job anywhere.  I have less confidence in finding good love.  If I do find it, I'm going to stick with it.  Relationships are hard work, and I'm more than willing to put in my share.  To me, finding that amazing guy to spend my life with is my number one goal, and all others are flexible around it.  I know for some people, career is the most important, or money, for instance.  That's not how I operate.  Love comes first and means the most to me.

Medium Term Goals:

In the next ten years I'd like to own the place I live (ok maybe a mortgage, but that's fine).  Renting is basically giving your money away.  I'd like to own a place with my (future) husband and I'd like to work with him to make it our unique, amazing place.  I don't really care where it is, so long as it's safe and a good place to raise a family and maybe a few animals.

At this time I'll continue to pursue my career of course.  But I'd also like to continue writing.  I'd like to get something published.  A novel most likely.  I don't expect to make tons of money, but that's not why I want to do it.  

In the next ten years, my (future) husband and I would want to start a family together.  I'd love to have a few kids, I'm not really particular on the number of kids, but I'd very much like to be a dad someday and I'd like to share that happiness with my husband.  We would work out how we would take care of them.  Perhaps I would stay home while they were young, I'd be very happy to do so.  Perhaps he would, if he preferred.  But, as I said, I'd be more than happy to if he was following his dream career.  My career makes me money, but kids would be more important to me.

Long Term Goals:

I want to travel and see new places with my (future) husband.  I'd like our kids to grow up and have a good lives.  I'd like for a place to call my own, enough money to retire comfortably someday, and I'd like my happily ever after with my husband.  I want to live and see and experience as many things as I can and I want to share them with one special person until the day I die.