Just a Little Bit

Life sucks sometimes you know, sucks the big one, but then sometimes it's real good.  I dunno why, but I'd sure like to find out.

Hey, I'm not the happiest person in the world, I know that. But I try and that should count for something.  People don't really understand that well.  I have my reasons. You can cheer me up, make me happy, but really, you'll never understand.  And I don't blame you.  No I don't.  Not in the least.  I don't want people to know.  To know is to know weakness, pain, my innermost thoughts and desires.  To survive in this world you have to be strong.  Unfortunately that means alienating yourself from yourself sometimes,  think of Beetlebrox in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for example.

I am not an emo asshole.  I don't like people who whine about their feelings I've never been in a band and I don't like their music.  I am too matured, a product of my life experience, to care.  I like graphic violence.  Oh hell yeah I do.  I like graphic sex.  The more the merrier.

I do want to say one thing, and some won't believe me I know, but I don't care.  I have never been truly angry at anyone outside of my own family.  Never.  In my mind, anything anyone could do to me pales in comparison to the hell that my family life has been over the years.  But I won't tell most people about those things and I try not to think about it.

Music is my redemption.  Listening not playing.  Rock only please.  The only true music style in my mind.  Nothing is like the power of music.  It brings me to a place where I make the rules.  Where I'm happy and anything's possible.  Nothing like listening to my headphones, tuning the world out, or blasting the fucking hell out of the neighbors ear drums and vibrating the plaster off the walls. Hell yeah!

I don't care who reads this, seriously not at all.  I didn't really say anything at all.  Just scratching the surface.  Figured that someone out there might like to know that there are real people out there with real problems.  The kind you don't go to therapy for.  The kind that you don't whine and cry about.  The kind that are best fought rather than shared.

Life sucks.  Well for the most part.  But I do hope that for you it doesn't suck quite as much as it has for me over the years.  And you couldn't understand how much it sucked.  If you truly genuinely care to know, then ask.  But no one does.  And I don't blame them.  No one wants to feel bad.  And I don't want to have others feel sorry for me.  That really gets me annoyed.  

Just remember that everything I am now is a product of my past and of my trying to escape it.  But everyday it gets a bit better.  It's a long way going still and the hardest part is yet to come.  We'll all move on eventually.  Hopefully sooner than later.  I am not emo.  Just in case there was any misinterpretation.  This is serious shit.