Rantings of a Mad Man XVII: Unadultered Truthiness

Morgan Freeman is god; he's merely playing an actor.

Near bankruptcy, Pepsi once offered to sell the Pepsi brand to Coke. They rejected. Oops.

I write these things because I can't think of ways to make these things into full entries.

You will spend in upwards of 30 years of your life sleeping.

Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez both are ahead of Barry Bonds in home runs for their ages.

Green eyes are a mutation.

A chromosome controls whether or not you can curl your tongue lengthwise.

Annual flowers must be replanted every year, yet annual events happen every year of their own volition.

Evolutionarily, penis size is shrinking.

Apparently, making out in the backseat of a car is now a sin to the Catholic Church.

The guy that plays on The Shield is the only person who could play the Kingpin if they choose to have him appear in the Spiderman movies. Seriously, you know which guy I'm talking about.

There is trace amounts of cocaine in Coke.

Democrats sandbag failed candidates while Republicans run the same failed candidates again and again. Nixon and McCain for instance.

Want less acne? Sweat more, it clears the pores.

They say that everyone needs more fiber. Then, everyone needs more calcium. Then everyone needs more Vitamin D. Fucking hell! Can't we all live in peace?

If you think all batteries are the same... erm... realize that Energizer batteries are the longest lasting of ALL batteries. I mean, hasn't every fourth grade science fair ever proven this? The same goes for Bounty paper towels as most absorbent and strongest paper towel. What else... drinking fountains are dirtier than public toilets. Use Brita filters because our drinking water has far too much lead in it. Volcanoes are cool... well, at least the first sixteen times. Earthquake models are NOT experiments! And finally, there are FAR too many websites giving free science fair ideas, it's not rocket science, really. Well, unless it is rocket science...

What is the big problem we have with nudity? Honestly, I think we'd learn a lot about what we value in society if we all get rid of clothes for a year.

Of course conjugal visit sex is great, that way you can tell Bubba that you have a headache that night.

What is the big deal about personal space? Hey you, you've invaded my personal space! The United Kingdom of My Knuckles are going to impact the Confederation of Your Teeth if you don't apologise? C'mon.

Why doesn't Last Comic Standing get ratings? It's far better than Dancing with the Stars, America's Got Talent, and Big Brother 9(?). In the very least, it's different every night.

What's the deal with ripping telephone books in half? Seriously those things are useful. How about ripping apart a book I won't need for the rest of the year. The Bible anyone? Please? The edges are gilded and it's leatherbound, might pose an interesting challenge if you're interested.

What does the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and god have in common? That's right, they all cost way too much money to support especially if you're dating someone.

With all the men who've died in wars, general stupidity, and whatnot, there still is a basic 50-50ish split between the male and female population. Not to mention the live expectancy gap. See, men need to be promiscuous , it keeps the balance in check. Either that or women start killing themselves in greater quantities. Maybe that's why ancient tribes sacrificed virgin women. See they were on to something.

Too much salt leads to high blood pressure. Too much sugar leads to diabetes. Too much fat leads to obesity. Too much cholesterol leads to heard disease. Do you see a pattern? Only in America could one or more of these things be a factor.

The United States, Canada, Belize, South America, India, Australia, and New Zealand were all, in part or whole, English colonies. Yet, India is the only one which rejected the English language after the end of imperialism.

Why are dimes smaller than pennies and nickels?

And finally... AOL used to be the shit. Now it's just shit.

I really don't have anything to say, but my posts have been infrequent lately so I figured I should try something. Then again, the page views have been just as infrequent, so I don't know why it matters. Hehehe. It's not that I care really, just add it to the pile of shit.

And what a pile of shit it is too. That's where it all goes for me, the pile of shit. Vacation, family, summer, to the pile with them all.

How many people can say that they hate summer vacation? I know, it's scary; I wouldn't have believed it myself before college. Well live and learn. How many people truly, honestly, completely and utterly cannot stand their families? Me! Me! Ohh! Ohhh! If I could sleep away June-August I'd be more than happy. Why? The atmosphere! It's night and day, good and bad, heaven and hell, open and closed. Plus there's no one around

An Interesting Take

According to Wikipedia there are between 12-14 million Jews in the world, the biggest piece of which (40% or 5-6 million) live in the United States. If the United States were to prohibit civil marriage to the Jews because they didn't follow the Christian moral code there would be a massive uproar in the world as we know it today. But if we take all this nation's non-heterosexual population, whose population following the idea of 2 in 20 would be around 30 million in the United States and 500-600 million in the world, and decide that prohibiting them from civil marriage is a good idea, far fewer would care.

Would someone please explain this to me? Is it residual from the Holocaust, because really that excuse is getting old? Non-heterosexuals have been discriminated against in very much the same way since the beginning too, even in the Holocaust. Any ideas?

FLYFREEFOREVER

RantingsofaMadManXVI:Rapidfire

It just goes to show that the human race is a complete intellectual failure that we cannot even agree to treat everyone as they want to be treated. We haven't the foresight to see that this will more than make up for itself.

What is all this about homosexuality being a choice. Sure that's an easy solution, providing we forget about all the countries that prohibit it at the penalty of death and still it remains. You can't get much harsher than that.

What's the worst thing to grab while fumbling around in the dark for a bath towel? Well, based on my experience I'd say my teenage sister's lace bra. But, hey my mom's would come in a close second.

Have you ever noticed that the things in life that we can't live without cost the most. Houses, cars, children, refrigerators, washers, dryers, you name it.

Milk prices are going up this week because of the cost of fuel. Some are also blaming the cost of corn feed for cows. With increased ethanol production, corn prices are allegedly skyrocketing. Shoot, can we tear down the wall and have Mexican workers bring corn over the boarder with them? We could even make a game show out of it. The person who gets around security first wins citizenship. For the sake of reality TV, call it The Bored Maize.

Did you know that the people on survivor actually lived in hotels after the cameras turned off.

A man is a person, not an island. Well, except for Prince Edward Island, that's both apparently.

Are there any cutthroat vocalists?

I've sworn off eating out. Last week I ordered the Peking Duck at a Chinese restaurant and was mortified by the bill.

Is anyone else mad at those "Get Zwinky" commercials? I don't even know what it is and I won't buy it.

Here's a free tip: If you want to cool off on a hot summer day, take a hot shower not a cold one. When you get out of the shower you will feel refreshed for almost an hour rather than feeling oppressive immediately.

What ever happened to the mullet? I think someone should bring it back. Paris Hilton anyone?

Look this up Mitt Romney's first name. It's Willard! I'm not joking!

Imagine if all the fetuses that were aborted actually weren't. Talk about overcrowding. Nevermind the financial implications. I wonder how heavy that drain would be on our social services. That settles it, get an abortion; it makes economical sense; it's patriotic.

Why are zoos legal? Honestly, it's just this side of San Quentin to really get me going. At least in jail you get reamed in the ass every now and then.

Why do baseball pitchers like old gloves but need new balls every couple of minutes?

I wonder how many people actually know where the name Deepthroat came from.

In the summer we make it cooler; in the winter we make it warmer. What a waste of energy. If we could all just do the opposite it would save us a hell of a lot of money.

Honestly what did the world do before plastics? It's frightening!

If I could have one wish I'd like to have football players and soccer players switch jobs for one week. It would be enlightening.

You want the surest investment that you can possibly get? Here it is... When the next big video game console comes out, buy as many as you can right up front, no matter the cost. Then sell them on EBay immediately. You'll make at least double, maybe triple your money back.

Ron Jeremy's new bestiality porn: Sex, Pugs & Lies.

Shower before you go to bed and your sheets will last twice as long.

How pointless is it to wash laundry every day? Well how many times a year do you wash your winter coat? Your comforter? Your dress work shoes? Your toothbrush? The chairs at your dinner table? The couch? Or better yet... Your mattress?

Why was the cartoon "Doug" so popular?

Why is true love so rare if everyone wants it?

Tone deaf? Bullshit! That's just an excuse for bad vocal performance.

I used to believe that everything has to have a purpose. But what could possibly be the purpose of stage fright?

What is the big deal with authority and things that make us feel good? They've been trying to stamp them out since ancient times. We even have an organization solely devoted to the stamping out of life's pleasures: The Catholic Church.

Oprah spends millions of dollars building an all-girls school in South Africa, while the boys starve.

Why do the bands that appear on late night television profoundly suck?

Does every golf ball have the same number of dimples. You'd think they'd have to coming from the same mold. Maybe now and then they add or subtract a few just to mess with our game.

If you'd like to be a successful poker player by all means watch as much poker on TV as you can. It makes you easier to beat.

Guys can walk around without shirts on why can women? I sense a conspiracy.

If there's one look that I'm certain will never be attractive, it's got to be the redneck mustache.

And one last one...

I've never seen a one-legged dog. Now I have a reason to live.