Making It Easier Since Early This Morning

I realize that Google's multi-member blog can be confusing simply because they put the names of the authors at the very bottom of the articles. And since I'm always trying to make things easier, I've decided to make everything a bit easier. From now on anything written by me will be in its traditional color. However all posts by Dave or Terr, under the name TheDiscountedMonkeys will be highlighted in blue. Hopefully that clears up any undue difficulties.

Rantings of a Mad Man Part XII (Revised)

Based on personal experience I've come to a conclusion: There is a direct correlation between the attractiveness of the nurse and the discomfort had from bloodwork or an i.v. no bull shitting, I'm serious.

Do you have any idea how much money I could make if I had a time machine and a dozen PS3's?

Most boring jobs in the world....

1. The guy that puts the dimples on golf balls.
2. The guy who checks to see if jigsaw puzzles have all the right pieces.
3. Ann Coulter's dietitian.
4. Michael Moore's dietitian.
5. ATM Braille installer.

The patent on Viagra has expired. Uh-oh.

Mark McGuire didn't into the Hall of Fame. One down, one to go. We're coming for you Barry.

Have you seen that new commercial about 3-5 second male enhancement? Yeah, it's called an erection Chief.

Your grandparents have had more sex that you.

Did you hear about the guy that got arrested for sniffing glue on the highway. He claimed false advertisement.

Orgasm clears the sinuses. I've already mentioned this, but I thought it was rather important.

The Apple iPhone? It's $600 fucking dollars! Excuse me Steve m'boy, are you trying to make people have to decide between oil heat and phones this winter?

Have you seen the Lunesta commercials, you know the sleep-aid with the butterflies? Why do they tell you that one side-affect of the medication is drowsiness? I figured that would be obvious, but maybe I'm wrong.

The Most Dangerous Jobs...

1. Parachute tester.
2. Kamikaze grenadier.
3. Fork-in-toaster retriever.

I've given this a lot of thought and I've come up with the world's most random word. Ducksauce. If I needed a new screen name it would be that. (It is not that).

What is with washed up singers trying to get onto the silver screen? Do they actually think that if they failed at something that they were moderately good at that they would be good at something they have absolutely no talent in?

How old is Wilie Nelson? Seriously.

How big is the universe? The universe is in the shape of the five-dimensional equivalent of a sphere. Having there no means for mass to increase or decrease in the universe, gravity's power is always constant. Therefore the amount of gravity in the universe is always constant. Therefore, regardless of the size of the universe, one cannot escape gravity, as if you could escape gravity then you would escape the universe, which is impossible. This means that the universe's size must be less than the amount of gravity needed to keep you in it. So, how big is the universe? Well it's smaller than the amount of gravity needed to keep you in. Haha, you thought I had a real answer. Pft, not in a rant.

David Beckham will make more money next year in LA than Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, and Curt Schilling combined. Does that sound right to you? Or smart?

Why is there a legal limit of BAC? Does this really sound like a good thing? Aren't we just telling everyone that they can be a little drunk, but not too drunk if they want to drive?

Worst Names....

1. Hortence
2. Prudence
3. Sorboni
4. Ducksauce

If a library catches fire do you throw more fire at it or do you spray it with water? If people are shooting each other in Iraq do we throw more people at them?

Why are some dogs worth more than others? Seriously people, no dog is worth $1500!

Then again maybe cats should cost that much. At least then those batty old women would stop collecting vast arrays of our feline friends.

George Bush can now open our mail. Really? Him personally? Can a man who can't find his way out of a paper bag actually find his way into your mail? I doubt it.

How can American car companies actually be losing money? Have you seen how many goddamn Fords are on the road? Honestly, someone get them a financial advisor.

Something fishy is going on here. In this country there are five or six major airlines. And they're all going under? How is this possible? Seriously!

And...

If the Patriots beat the Colts I promise not to bring them up on charges of animal abuse.

Unwilling-Dystopia 3.0

Since Google now owns Blogspot and reverted everything over to their servers, I was forced to make a few changes. Those changes included the now missing information in the sidebar. As Google likes to control how everything is done, perhaps more than you realize, I can't any longer alter it the way I had from it's original format. So, I may eventually figure out the new template language and how to manipulate Google's widget engine, but until that time, this is what we've got and I'm not going to stress over it. As for the new format in general, that was my change and had nothing to do with Google's meddling.

I would like to pose one question though. At what point does Google become Microsoft? What I mean is at what point does the object of non-conformity become conform itself? Bureaucracy now abounds from Google, and I see the beginning of the end for their success.

As always,
FLYFREEFOREVER.

Mistaken Stupidity

Mistaken stupidity sucks. I'll say it again: MISTAKEN STUPIDITY SUCKS.

It has been the cause of more than its share of hurt. It's started wars even. One leader misrepresents the customs of another and we're a hair's width away from an "international conflict". (We don't call it war anymore.) Of course, the leader probably didn't mean what he said or did, most especially to the affect that it had on the recipient. And now the two nations are at odds over triviality and far be it for me to mediate the dispute behind it.

I am not an unbiased observer in this game of life. I'm sure that at one point or another in my life I've caused others harm with the slip of my tongue. It wasn't intentional of course, just a slip. All I hope is that it was a slip, a mistake I won't soon repeat. For anyone I've wronged this way, all I can give is my apology and hope that in time I will regain your trust. I'm sorry, I truly am, for any such undue harm. There are nicer ways to express one's self than with the forked tongue. I've thought about it long and hard and now can only hope that this error in judgment doesn't start an international conflict.