Internet Jargon and Whatnot

I can't believe I actually used the word "whatnot". Damn, now I hate myself, but let's just keep moving...

You know, I'm getting really sick and tired of internet jargon. LOL, GTG, G2T, L8R, ur, TTYL, TY, ASL, WTF, BF, GF, LMAO, LMFAO, GG, GL, GS, BS, ROTF, ROTFL, ROTFLMAO, ROTFLMFAO and those are just the uppermost tier of them in my view. I especially love the ones that I have to think about for a minute.

In my opinion, if LMFAO explains exactly how you're feeling at the moment then by all means use it, but I don't know how it could, I can't even pronounce that shit. Lem-fowh?

Regardless, if you mean to say ROTFLMFAO, I think that the situation warrants the use of the actual words. I mean this is a once (maybe twice) in your lifetime occurrence! For god's sake say it like you mean it.

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FlyFreeForever: Hey Gus, right now, seriously man, I'm rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off! I just hope my ass doesn't go that far, I'm going to need it to take a crap later, if not the contents therein beforehand to take my calculus test. Talk to you later. I have got to go find my ass!

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Hmm, that would be a nice one: TTYLIHGTGFMA. Now I'd even use that one.

Did you ever notice that when these internety pricks start with the LOL crap that they seem to be doing a hell of a lot more laughing than is normal for the average sane person? Four, five, six, seventy times in a conversation! They're laughing every other line, and that other line is yours! You're not that funny! It takes someone with the IQ of that grape flavored popsicle that you found in the back of your freezer in the middle of this past February to limit themselves to only one reaction to everything you say.

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FlyFreeForever: ...and I says to the man. No YOU go fuck yourself!

PretentiousAsshole: LOL!!! LOL1! LMFAO!!!!!!!!

FlyFreeForever: But other than that, my day's really sucked. My great-aunt died this morning in a car accident.

PretentiousAsshole: ROTFLMFAO!!!!

FlyFreeForever: Dude! It's not fucking funny! It took six hours to ID her she was such a mess.

PretentiousAsshole: Haha LOL!

FlyFreeForever: Dude! Go fuck yourself! I sit here and tell you that my great-aunt....

PretentiousAsshole: LOL

FlyFreeFoever: FUCK YOU! I'M LEAVING!

PretentiousAsshole: TTYL

*And so on*

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I've probably said this before, but would someone please give that asshole a fucking thesaurus! Or maybe it's that they're TOO busy with the other twelve people they're "chatting" with that they can pay attention to my dead family member! That's like calling me, setting the phone down on the table and going to watch television, occasionally shouting in acknowlegement. And I know there are people who do that. They're the same fucking person as the internety pretentious asshole! Maybe instead of watching TV they're online in their parents basement with fifty or sixty of their closest friends, listening to you, while folding laundry, finishing their chemistry homework, and listening to the ballgame on the radio or finding the cure to AIDS or cancer. These are the same exact people who also interrupt you while talking on the phone because they have an "incoming call". Hey, fuck them I was here first! It isn't Jesus on the other line, call them back while you're doing your chemistry homework will you!

When it comes right down to it, I don't care if someone uses it every now and then. Casually drop in a TTYL in the middle of a statement, sure at least I know that the conversation is just about over. But you know why these things were developed right? No? It's for those people who think themselves really great for being able to carry on eight or nine fucking conversations at the same time! It's these pretentious assholes, who want to seem to you the onlooker as if they're SO damn important. It's networking! It's what we're all supposed to be doing. Hands across America! Fuck that. The only networking I want to do is at sea. And at least that way, I get to eat too, instead of just bloating up on a false sense of self-worth.

You know what I do when I'm playing a round of 9-Ball with some pretentious internet-jargon-using asshole and they start with the ASL's?

I answer! Oh yeah I do! But then I add a little jargon of my own...

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PrententiousAsshole: Hi

FlyFreeForever: [sigh...] Hey

PrententiousAsshole: ASL?

FlyFreeForever:63, tranny, Burkina Faso

PrententiousAsshole: [silence....]

FlyFreeForever: TKDKS?

PrententiousAsshole: ???

FlyFreeForever: TKDKS? THY? LLO?

PrentetiousAsshole: huh?

FlyFreeForever: LDL? TYDK?

PretentiousAsshole: [...leaves game]

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That shuts them up real quick. OR, they try and be a smart ass and start answering with indiscriminate words like "yeah" or "err, dunno" or "LLO! POTL! YOD?"

But I've got them beat. I never said I speak English! Then the real fun begins. Boy do I love to fuck with pretentious internety assholes. You have no idea! Once in a while, I'm really surprised however, they actually play along, not just stumble along blindly in the dark as the masked axe-wielding maniac draws nearer and nearer to ending their pathetic little lives, but really plays along. When I find one of those glorious assholes, bitter as I am, and equally (if that is possible) cynical, then hell yeah I'm game. You rack; I crack. Let's get the fuck going!

But as we all know, for every wonderfully humorous Anon there's five hundred billion other assholes. I suppose it's such in just about everything. Too bad, I'd really like to meet someone who truly understands my humor. Then the real fun would begin.

The Enlightenment

History classes teach us that The Enlightenment happened in Europe and the United States (the U.S to be, that is) between the 1500's and the end of the Industrial Revolution. I believe that this couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, I believe that The Enlightenment is still going on today. And today it's leaders are social liberals.

True in the 1789 all men were created equal, but it wasn't until 1865 that black men were included, and 1921 until white and black women were included. And still after that point we had segregation, race riots, the KKK, and to this day anti-gay movements.

But I think we are about to reach the top of the mountain on this one. Thankfully, it's been nearly 500 years. In time we will learn to accept the rights of those different from us in all their aspects. We won't look away when a black man or gay couple walks down the street. We won't have need for words like nigger and fag. Someday soon we will see that Arab is not a reason to kill. Neither is race, religion, orientation, sex, age, mental capacity, or ideas.

I do hold out hope for civilization, perhaps we can look beyond the color of our skin, our religions, our differences really and realize that in the end we are all people. And people all deserve the same respect and dignity that you have.

My only hope is that I live to see this come true. Then I will be happy.

Fruitless Debate

I've said a lot of things here in this blog that some might see as political statements. And sometimes, people ask me to defend my statements. Really, I can clarify if you want, I have no problem restating my beliefs. However, I don't desire to debate someone who has a political agenda. If you want to test my theories then by all means. In fact by all means, say anything you want. But, in all likelihood, I won't really care to debate you. You can say a few points and I a few counters, but we never really get anywhere. Neither of us ever changes our minds, at most we clarify our positions to each other. And I really don't care what random people's positions are on anything. It's cold but true.

When it boils right down to the core issue, after hours of skimming off the treacle that is, we come down to a point where we share opposing beliefs on one particular subject, perhaps you believe that birth control is a sin because it stops the reason for having sex. I would disagree. And there's nothing that either of us is going to do to change the other's mind. All we can do is cut through the slop that we've garnered around our beliefs because there is no concrete right and wrong, no real answer.

I believe that we should help one another, someone else may think that we should leave one another well enough alone. We can make excuses as to why we believe that we are right and the other is wrong, and unless we are smarter than the other or a better speaker, we aren't going to change anything. And even if we are smarter or better orally on a certain day, or maybe we got lucky with a heavy uppercut, they're just going to get mad at us and leave. Nothing changed.

So here's what I say: I believe what I believe because it feels right to me.

That's it, nothing more, nothing less. And you can defend against that.

Things are looking to be on the down and down

Heading home, sanity hold together.