Monday, November 30, 2015

On Fag Hags and Why They HATE Me

Fair warning, this post will probably come across as very negative to some people.  It is however my experience with this topic, and that has been quite negative.  Life.

Anywho, a "fag hag" is a girl that is good or more often best friends with a gay guy.  And as a rule I do not like them and they do not like me.  This is basically a universal truth in my experiences with them.  I don't think I've found one from any of the gay guys I know that I have gotten along with.

The reason behind this is really quite simple.  It is ingrained in the role they play in the gay guy's life and the role the gay guy plays in their life.  She is a facilitator of and justification for poor decision-making.  They are each other's excuse for every bad decision, every drunken hook up, every drug taken, every excessive party gone to, and every unwise action they take.  Because the other was with them that wild Friday night, their behavior was justified, whatever happened.  Of course it could be as harmless as occasionally drinking too much, to more detrimental... unsafe hook ups, cheating on their significant other, drugs, in general those kind of actions that are seen as carefree in your teenage or college years, but which are very detrimental to an adult relationship.

Because the gay guy isn't doing these things alone, they feel like it's not so bad that they do them.  And likewise, because she has him there too, she is justified in making poor decisions, regardless of how unsafe, dangerous, detrimental, or otherwise unwise, because he was also doing them.

So, if Dave goes out with Gloria on Sunday night to a really crazy party, the party gets raided, they both get arrested for possession, it's not the worst thing in the world... because the other one was there too.  Neither feels at major fault for unwise actions because clearly if their trusted friend is also doing them, then they can't be all that bad.  They can laugh it off as their little secret and go about their day.  It's just another "crazy" night they've had, and they bond over it.

I'm sure by this point I'm coming off as pretty pretentious to both fag hags and those who have them, but if you know me, my reaction to this phenomenon shouldn't be that much of a surprise and it is also why every fag hag I've ever known hates me and why I hate them.

You see, when I date the gay guy, I effectively take him away from her.  This is even true if I'm only platonic friends with the gay guy.  I supplant her position in his life, she feels threatened and feels like I'm taking something away from her.  More so, I tend to be "mature."  I'm the guy looking for the guy that wants to settle down, have a life together, have a family, careers, etc.  That life does not fit in with crazy Friday nights and drunken sluttiness.  It involves diapers and school buses, steady jobs and schedules, romantic weekend trips and "boring" video game nights.  It means monogamy and marriage, love, and happily ever after.  

While of course the girl would still play a role in his life, it would be a decreased role.  As a relationship grows, I spend more time with him and we spend more time confiding in each other-- using each other as support during difficult times instead of the girl.  She feels threatened and develops negative feelings towards the boyfriend/husband/(me), and in some cases, even tries to break them/us up (personal experience, don't ask).

Deep down, most guys do want to find that guy to spend the rest of their lives with, and yes most guys at one time or another do fill that emptiness with wild partying, drugs, hook ups, and/or a lot of other things.  Fag hags compliment them in those actions that they take to fill that void.  They justify poor decision-making.  Unfortunately for her though, most guys eventually grow up.  They find that amazing guy they want to have a happily ever after with, and the move on from sluttiness, drug abuse, over drinking, and such.  As a couple, their interests evolve from the "going out" mentality more to the "staying in" mentality.  That's not to say that they're boring and never go to a party or never have drinks, or never screw up and wander into work hung over, bleary eyed, and exhausted.  But, it declines.  Family becomes more important than "excitement".  Building a life together and a family together requires stability and security.  Two guys who go out Saturdays drink too much, take Molly, and cheat on each other will not have a successful relationship.

In short, I hate fag hags because they embody many of the qualities that are wrong for a potential husband.  And, they hate me because their gay guy wants me more than bad decision-making.  To me, she is the bad influence, but to her I am the bad influence.  Of course, this isn't true in all cases, but it is certainly true in the experiences I've had and in most of the ones I've seen others have.

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