Thursday, December 24, 2015

Sunday, December 20, 2015

This Day

I'm not going to be posting much in the way of content tonight.  I've been in a pretty lousy mood today and that doesn't cater to creativity.  Hopefully I shake it off by morning.  I'm not the type of person that's prone to lousy moods, although I do have one hell of a resting bitch face if I do say so myself.  Basically everything about my day irked me in one way or another.  Everyone has those days where literally nothing seems to go the way it should, where you're constantly being bombarded by stupid shit.  Even the customers at work were brutal today for clearly no valid reason.  But, it's over, I won't take it personally, and tomorrow is a new day.  In the meantime, here's a little fun from my all time favorite comedian and the penultimate master of language-- George Carlin.  Incidentally, I did have the opportunity to see him live three times.  He's been gone too long...

(  ^^ How I feel about work today ^^ )

Friday, December 18, 2015

On Why Star Wars is Important to Me (No Spoilers I Promise!)

First, I'm not going to talk about plot or the movie itself.  There are no spoilers described below.  This is because it's not the movie itself that is important, but the role that the movie series had played in my past. 

Allow me to explain...

I was raised in a very protective, conservative, Catholic family.  Go to church on Sundays, Catholic school, sacraments, the entire thing.  I'm also gay.  (Unsurprising I'm sure if you've read anything I've written in the past.)  Growing up with very controlling parents being a gay boy is very difficult, doubly so because of their religious and political leanings.  I am the oldest child, and in being such also dealt with the worst of my parents' controlling nature.  I knew I was different than everyone else from a very young age, but it wasn't until college that I was comfortable being gay-- hell, I didn't even know what gay was (WHAT I WAS) until high school.  I was very, excruciatingly sheltered as a child.  I could write for hours about growing up and the challenges I faced being the gay son to two people who hated gay people, but I'll try to stay on topic.

Star Wars.

Star Wars Episode III came out when I was in high school.  It was also around this time that I seriously needed to get away from my parents.  I had walled them off from my life as much as possible--granting the fact that I still lived in the bedroom next to them in their house.  I was figuring out who I was and it was very, very painful.  I wouldn't say that I was depressed, more like clueless.  I really didn't even know who I was because who I really was was so much different than the person everyone told me I was.

I went to see the Star Wars midnight release on my own.  Up until this point I had never gone anywhere to speak of on my own.  I had just recently gotten my license.  Just recently, I had been allowed to drive my mom's Jeep alone.  I'd just recently began along the long path to understanding and eventually embracing my sexuality.  And no, I didn't go to the movie with some cute guy and made out with him and had a gay ol' time.  I actually went alone.

I had told my parents that I was going with "friends from school".  I lied.  I didn't really have friends from school.  I had a few "school friends", people I would talk to at school occasionally, but no one I knew outside of the classroom at all.  My parents would never let me go do things with kids outside of the immediate neighborhood (ie. the street I grew up on).  But, this time I convinced my mom that I should be able to go.  It took me a long time to work up the courage to even ask.

In getting to go to the movie, it was the first time I was able to break away from my parents in a meaningful way.  It was the first time that I could get away from them and be me.  It was the first step on a long journey into becoming the person I was on the inside.  I liked the movie, but the point wasn't the movie, it was the action of going on my own that was important.  After it was over, I took the long way home so I could soak up the moment of freedom just a little bit longer.  

It was an important first step into being the man I am today and that's why Star Wars holds a meaning to me.  So, I went to see the one that came out tonight and enjoyed myself, but I'll never forget where I came from, the boy that I was.  I'll never forget the struggle it was to embrace the person I was on the inside and to show him to the world outside without fear of persecution (or worse, my parents finding out at the time).  While my story about Star Wars is probably not the same as maybe anyone else's, it is the reason why I treasure the movie franchise.  It was the first in many steps to becoming me.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

When Love Strikes

Love is a very difficult thing to understand.  The reason for this is because of how our brains are set up.  We have the ability to be both logical and emotional.  Love is not logical.  It is emotional.  Obviously.  So, who we fall in love with, when we fall in love (or out of love), and that we want to fall in love are not easily, logically explainable concepts.  Love does not know logic.  In my experience, it frequently drops in on you unexpectedly (though never unpleasantly).

For very logical people such as myself, falling in love can be a somewhat frustrating thing.  It upends your life as you know it.  Your priorities change over night.  You begin to spend a lot of time with someone you probably didn't even know a few days or weeks ago.  Granted I'm speaking about infatuation or "lust" as well.  Love is a progression from interest and infatuation.  It is deeper than any other feeling you'll likely feel in your life and it is amazing.

While that is all true, it's also frustrating sometimes.  You can't plan whom you fall for.  And you should never ignore it either.  In the past five years or so, a lot of my friends have graduated college and moved into the working world.  It's a time of great change in all of our lives and it's an amazing period of learning who you are.  It's also frequently the time in which you fall in love and begin a life with another person.  

With everything going on in your 20's, falling in love does add an incredible amount of complication to your life.  While focusing on yourself and establishing your life, you meet someone and fall for them.  You go through all the steps of dating and really, truly fall for them.  It's not an easy process as you now have to meld your lives together.  If you do truly love each other, however, it will happen.  It's not logical.  It's emotional.  And, the emotional side of your brain is generally stronger than your logical one.  (Look at every silly thing you've ever done to attract someone you're attracted to for evidence on this.)

Sometimes people make excuses, bury themselves in careers, and avoid the potential relationship.  It's true that for a while after my own last break up, I did the very same.  Everyone does in this case, for a while.  You regain your bearings and stabilize your personal life.  But, after a while, you put yourself out there again.  Sometimes however, people rationalize that love would be an imposition in their life, that it would be easier to avoid love until the "time is right".   The fact of the matter is though that there's always something else you could be doing.  There is no "right" time.  "Right" is a logical response to an illogical situation.  

When in doubt, I'd suggest always going with your heart on matters of the heart.  True, sometimes it won't make logical sense.  Sometimes you'll end up getting your heart broken as well.  But, at the same time, you can't choose whom you fall for any more than you can choose when it's going to happen.  It just happens.  I learned this lesson for myself and now I pass it on.  In short, let your heart decide on emotional decisions and let your logical brain decide on logical matters.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Tonight's Playlist

Again a bit of a pattern.  Songs from what is largely considered the single greatest rock concert of all time and a few earlier concerts. I have to say those shorts had to be painted on I'm sure.

Oh well fucking corporations decide to take down the videos, so you only get one here now.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Soul Mate

Everyone has at least a vague understanding about who the perfect person for them would be.  Too often though we idealize that person, making them into a caricature of a real person.  The truth of the matter is that no one anywhere is perfect.  We all have our flaws, every one of us.  Whether it's Joanne that likes to gamble too much, Carlos who smokes, Arlo who gets stressed and shuts down, Penny who drinks too much, Luis who can't manage a budget to save his life... on and on and on.  We're all imperfect creatures who are at the same time looking for a perfect person.  In reality we should be looking for the perfect person for us not necessarily a universally perfect person.  Plato's idea of perfect beauty does not exist.  Your perfect spouse, your soul mate if you will, is the person whom despite their flaws you don't want to live without.

Why is this?  It's very simple.  As a species we need to stop thinking about these differences as flaws.  That we disagree with the behaviors another takes, doesn't make them flaws, it only makes them flaws in the idealized image of the person that we create in our heads.  For this reason, the person that is our soul mate (which is an idealized term in and of itself) is the person for whom their flaws are irrelevant to you.  Despite your differences, you love each other and want to spend your lives together.  That is what a soul mate is.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Walk of Shame

Tonight's topic is the "walk of shame" or otherwise feeling bad about yourself after sleeping with someone.

There are two distinct types of this feeling.  The first is for sleeping with people you think are unattractive.  The second, and more potent, is sleeping with people whom you find very attractive.  Let me elaborate.

You meet someone on grindr, tindr, whatever.  You guys decide to get together purely for sex.  One time, no strings attached (good luck with that), and no expectations other than good sex (really though, good luck with that).

In Scenario One:  The guy that comes over (or whom you visit) you come to realize is not exactly as attractive as he was in all of the photos he sent you.  Yet, here's a perfectly good and willing cock/ass in the living room now.  What's a guy to do.  Leaving/asking him to leave would be super awkward and besides, you're really horny.  Maybe if you just close your eyes and think of someone else it won't be so bad.

After he leaves / you leave, a strong feeling of regret coupled with disgust in yourself / in the guy you slept with / surrounding the action of sleeping with an unattractive guy begins to overtake your mood.

In Scenario Two:  You both get together and he's really really amazingly gorgeous and probably even seems to be a nice guy.  And of course after, you feel awful about the whole situation.

In both scenarios, why do you feel bad after?  You don't always feel bad after, but this time you really did.  Why?

It's because humans are social creatures.  Your higher thinking brain can differentiate sex from love and companionship.  Your lower thinking brain however cannot.  If your lower brain is fulfilled by the encounter or disgusted by the encounter, afterward, it will make you depressed about it.  In the first scenario it's purely disgust or disappointment in yourself for settling so low for someone so unattractive.  In the second scenario it's a feeling that comes about because you want on some level for the guy to stick around, for it to not be a one night thing.  He fulfills your base instinctual sexual desires very well.  While your higher brain can separate sex from companionship, your lower brain wants that companionship and registers its disapproval of the hook up, largely in the form of a longing feeling or a lonely feeling but also in frustration and anger directed at oneself.

Moral of the story, don't fuck around with sex.  If you're attracted strongly to someone, don't hook up with them.  You'll feel terrible after.  And it goes without saying, if they're not attractive, just pass.  It's better for your mental state in the long run.  Sex is absolutely amazing.  Just make sure to choose your partners wisely to avoid the walk of shame.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015


I'm going to tell you the biggest secret about clothes and I'm going to blaspheme and tell it like it actually is.  So gather 'round my gay brothers and I'll share with you the key to all gay fashion.

It's very simple, and it's true of straight fashion as well:

The person makes their clothes attractive.  Their clothes do NOT make them attractive. 

The same pair of jeans on two different people will look much different and wear much different.  They will appear to be more or less attractive depending on who is wearing them.  So look for clothing that promotes your attributes, both physical AND personality-wise.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Because laugh!

Life Goals

Everyone should have a plan for where there life is going.  It really goes without saying, but sadly too often people don't know.  You should have short, medium, and long term goals.  Each of these goals you should be on the path to achieving.  It's not a goal if you're not in motion toward it; that's a dream.  So, the following are a few of my goals.  Obviously everyone's goals will be different, but take from them what you can.

Short term goals:

At the moment I have a good paying job and stability.  Wonderful.  I'd like to continue that in the future.  Maybe not the same job or the same location, who knows what'll happen, but certainly the same career path.  Sometime in the next five years I would like to be a GM again, but in the meantime I am enjoying not having total responsibility for a restaurant.  Again, it may be in the same area, maybe back east, definitely not further west in this state, maybe somewhere else.  Who knows?  At the immediate moment I like where I am and the people I'm working with.  I know this business well enough though to know that this will change at some point and I may then move on.

In the next five years I'd like to find a husband.  Granted we may not be married in the next five years, maybe, but not necessarily, but I'd like to find him at least and work towards building a life together.  If I do find love, it may speed up the time frame for me leaving my current job location, if he's not in the immediate area.  This is unfortunately a near certainty as judging by the guys in the area... ehhh... I'll pass.  It's still better than the last place I lived, but guys around here are much more short term oriented.  They're finishing up school and moving home or to find that job they want or whatever. Too many just aren't going to stick around and at the same time don't look to get into serious relationships because they know they're not sticking around for good.  I'm different than most of the guys I know in that regard.  I can find a good job anywhere.  I have less confidence in finding good love.  If I do find it, I'm going to stick with it.  Relationships are hard work, and I'm more than willing to put in my share.  To me, finding that amazing guy to spend my life with is my number one goal, and all others are flexible around it.  I know for some people, career is the most important, or money, for instance.  That's not how I operate.  Love comes first and means the most to me.

Medium Term Goals:

In the next ten years I'd like to own the place I live (ok maybe a mortgage, but that's fine).  Renting is basically giving your money away.  I'd like to own a place with my (future) husband and I'd like to work with him to make it our unique, amazing place.  I don't really care where it is, so long as it's safe and a good place to raise a family and maybe a few animals.

At this time I'll continue to pursue my career of course.  But I'd also like to continue writing.  I'd like to get something published.  A novel most likely.  I don't expect to make tons of money, but that's not why I want to do it.  

In the next ten years, my (future) husband and I would want to start a family together.  I'd love to have a few kids, I'm not really particular on the number of kids, but I'd very much like to be a dad someday and I'd like to share that happiness with my husband.  We would work out how we would take care of them.  Perhaps I would stay home while they were young, I'd be very happy to do so.  Perhaps he would, if he preferred.  But, as I said, I'd be more than happy to if he was following his dream career.  My career makes me money, but kids would be more important to me.

Long Term Goals:

I want to travel and see new places with my (future) husband.  I'd like our kids to grow up and have a good lives.  I'd like for a place to call my own, enough money to retire comfortably someday, and I'd like my happily ever after with my husband.  I want to live and see and experience as many things as I can and I want to share them with one special person until the day I die.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Because It Still Makes Me Smile and Everyone Should Smile More

Falls under the category of have fun and stop being so serious.  Life isn't meant to be serious.  Have fun with it.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

What I Bring to the Table

When it comes to love I'm very conventional, a word that probably strikes fear in a lot of gay guys hearts.  So yeah, I'm probably very "boring" to those that want open relationships.  "Dull" to those who want to add a third person.  And "closed-minded" to those who use assorted drugs to make sex more interesting.

So be it.  I don't do those things, but here's what I do bring to the table...

  • I am completely monogamous.  My future husband will never ever have to worry about me cheating on him.  Frankly, if I'm in love with someone I don't find others attractive at all.  If you don't believe that the problem lies with you not with what I said.
  • I put my whole heart into a relationship.  If I let a guy into my heart I am the most giving, thoughtful, and romantic person he'll ever know.  I'm very proud of that fact too.  I'm very attentive.  I believe the little everyday things we do to tell each other that we care are the most important. And I think that they should be told everyday, even when we're apart.  It comes in the form of little notes, quick texts, making breakfast, nudging them a little bit as we walk down the street, a hand on their leg while you're driving somewhere, staring at each other until you smile and inevitably tackle each other, and so many other little things to show that you care.
  • Amazing sex.  While sex isn't all of a relationship, it is part of it and it is a vital part just like communicating, thoughfulness, and romance. I strive to be the best sex you've ever had.  Ever.  Preferably by far.  I want you completely delirious.  Afterward I want your legs to be spaghetti and your heart to be mine.  It's not me stroking my own ego.  I'm not going to prove it, unless you happen to be the one.  But it's true.  I am the best you'll ever have.  I get off on getting you off regardless of the roles we happen to play in bed.
  • I have a good heart.  Crazy good sex aside, I'm the penultimate boy next door.  I'm great with parents, families, and your gay friends will be very jealous.  I'm very low drama.  I can't stand drama.  At no point will I do something to embarrass my future husband or otherwise make him embarrassed to be with me.  Mothers love me incidentally.  Like, really love me.
  •  I'm looking for a storybook romance and a fairytale happily ever after.  I want to sweep a guy off his feet and have him sweep me off mine.  I want it to be magical and unbelievable.  I want us to be the couple everyone is jealous of, not because we're super hot or really talented or what have you, but because when they look at us we seem like we were made for each other, that we compliment each other so perfectly, that there could be no one else in the world that would be better for each other.  
  • I want a family and us to have careers.  I want to have kids someday with the man of my dreams.  I want a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, with a nice car, and a backyard.  I want us to be dedicated parents, raising thoughtful, kind, well-rounded children.  If it was necessary I would give up my career to stay home and raise them.  Likewise, if he prefered, I'd want my husband to do so instead.  
  •  I'd go to the ends of the earth for love.  If he's he right person, I make time for him, make room for him in my life.  For the perfect guy, I find ways to make it work.  If he happened to be in he military and move about the country, I would follow.  If after ten years, his job suddenly moved him to another time zone, I would follow.  If his goals included being the greatest musician in the world, I'd support him every step of the way.  Or maybe he wanted to start a business.  I'd work right along side of him to help him make his dreams come true.  I'm not just looking out for myself and my goals, I am supportive and want to help him achieve his as well.  Love is he most important thing in the world.  True love, doubly so.  When I find it, it becomes the most important thing in my life.  The trick is finding it.
  •  I'm told I'm pretty cute.  Just saying.  If it comes down to the most shallow of reasons, that's what people say.

In the end, I'm very likable.  There are very few people whom I don't get along with.  Most people like me a lot.  My goal is to be the perfect boyfriend and later husband to one amazing guy.  And, I'm going to do it too.  The first step is to become the guy that will attract the perfect guy for me.  I think I'm doing pretty well there.  Then find him.  Who knows, sometimes the real deal just happens.  Attract him.  I just be myself, no games or silliness, they only hurt a potential relationship.  They're basically lying about yourself.  And happily ever after... Well, I'll prove anyone wrong who thinks it's not possible.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

14 Life Lessons for Gays

I won't claim to be the most well-slept around gay.  At the same time though, I do spend a lot of time thinking about everything, and gay life is no exception to that.  So based on my own experiences and the experiences of those I know, here are 14 things you need to know...

1.  Avoid the most physically attractive guys. 

Seriously.  The most physically attractive guys by and large have never had to earn respect from another and have never understood rejection.  They are fawned over and greatly desired.  Because of this, they never develop the skills needed to compliment a body.  They are less inclined to put effort into a relationship because effort is difficult and there are lots of easy fish in the sea.  Likewise, they are less likely to put effort into their own personality.  Again, they simply don't have to do so to get as much ass as they want.

2.  Look for the guy who has endured and overcome hardship.

The opposite of the previous statement, he is very in tune with a potential husband's needs.  He feels he has to earn your love, as should be the case.  He may be quite physically attractive, but more often he is averagely attractive.  BUT, the combination of caring and physical attractiveness is far more over all attractive than the muscled jock in statement one.  Moreover, when things get difficult in the relationship, they are much MUCH more likely to stick around and try to work through them.  The guy with loads of options on the side will likely leave, again because hard work is difficult and he is easy.  Likewise, a guy who has overcome some hardship sees greater value in relationships and less value in anonymous sex. 

3.  The best sex you'll ever have is with the person who thinks you're more attractive than them.

Guys who feel lucky to have you will be more attentive.  Guys who think they are more attractive than you will be less attentive and more selfish.  The lucky guy isn't necessarily less attractive either.  In fact, the absolute best sex is between two guys who BOTH think each other is the most attractive person they've ever met.

4.  The size of a guy's cock is directly related to their personality for better, neutral, or worse.

A guy with a big cock tends to be more self assured and care less what others think of them sometimes to arrogance.  A guy with a small cock tends to either be very submissive or overly compensate their lack of endowment with a huge ego.  There is a difference between big cock arrogance and small cock ego.  The small cock ego always directs attention to himself.  Big cock arrogance generally only becomes arrogant when others begin stroking their own egos.  There are also guys with small cocks who are actually really, really good in bed.  They are generally on the smaller end of average... not too small but definitely below average.  If you can find one of those, you're probably in for a very, very good experience.  Of course, guys of all sizes will vary in their personality based solely on how THEY perceive themselves.  Some guys think they're quite big when in reality they're average.  And some think they're average when they're really quite big.  It's all about how you feel about your cock, and believe me I can tell how big you are if I've met you.  Additionally, I really don't care how big you are or aren't.

5.  Every grindr (or other app/website) photo is the best possible photo of the guy.

There are occasional exceptions to this, but a vast majority of the time the guy will not look as good in person as on the screen.

6.  No one knows how to measure their cock.

This is another point about grindr and other apps/sites.  Everyone on them claims to have an 8, 9, 10, 13(??!) inch cock.  They don't.  Less than one percent of the population has a penis larger than 8 inches.  The average is 5.5 inches.  It does vary based on ethnicity, but keep in mind they are TENDENCIES and there are major exceptions in both directions.  

Ok here's how to measure yourself, if you're interested in actually knowing.  Take a ruler, one that doesn't have a lot of extra space prior to the first hash mark... there's usually a quarter of an inch before it starts measuring at 0''.  While standing, place the ruler on the TOP of your erect penis, pointing out from your body at a 90 degree angle (parallel to the floor).  Flatten any curve against the ruler and measure.  That is how long your penis is.  Measuring from the side or from somewhere in your sack isn't going to be a true measurement. It only goes inside someone as far as it can at it's shortest side... the top side.  So now that you know, quit lying about your size.  It's really unattractive.

7.  Size doesn't matter.

Well, I should say, size doesn't HAVE to matter.  The best sex I've ever had was with a guy who was considerably smaller than average.  BUT, he was so giving and so concerned with how I felt all the time, it was truly amazing.  If you're a top, size for you is just something to look at and to occasionally choke on.  Obviously something nice to look at as it bounces would be good, but it doesn't have to be a Van Gogh.  If you're a bottom, the largest cocks can actually do some serious damage if the guy they're attached to isn't careful.  Besides, hemorrhoids are no fun either.  If you're a bottom, girth may be more enjoyable than length anyways.  Or, very unenjoyable, depending on the guy.  Regardless of their size, go for the man with the good heart.

8.  The man with the good heart is the holy grail.

Empathy is highly highly underrated.  I don't care how physically attractive he is. I don't care if you can grate cheese on his abs or extrude Playdough stars from his ass, the empathetic man is the best man you can ever find.  He is the one that's thoughtful and kind.  He is the romantic, the cuddly guy, the one you bring home to mom.  He is the one you should want to keep for the rest of your life.  

9.  You don't need a man RIGHT NOW!!!11!!!

In fact, you don't NEED a man at all.  You want one, and sometimes that's a line that's easily blurred.  

I'm serious.  Get off grindr.  Right now.  Spending an evening on the app will not help you find Mr. Right.  If you spend more than an hour a day on dating apps you will not be the kind of person you need to be to attract Mr. Right.  Grindr and other apps are an addiction.  Really.  You become dependent on them for feeling good about yourself.  But, at the same time, as you use them you feel worse and worse about yourself too.  I'm not saying you should delete them necessarily, but spend the evening with friends, or go to a bar, club, or some sort of interest you have.  If you live in a gay friendly area, just go out.  Flirt in person.  It's much more fulfilling and has a much greater potential to end well.  But in the meantime, you don't need him NOW.  Jerk off and go about your day.  You're horny, not looking for a husband.

10.  Sex isn't the only thing that matters.

This is true in a relationship, but also true in your daily life.  If all you do is immerse yourself in grindr and porn when you get home, you're not looking for a husband, you're looking to get off.  See the previous statement.  You're just horny.  Save yourself eight hours after work and jerk off when you get home, and then go do something fun with friends or family.

11.  Attracting a good man is like catching a fish.

You have to be very patient.  If you reel him in too fast you will lose him.  But, reel him in too slowly however and he will break away.

12.  Mr. Right doesn't sleep with you on the first date.

He also doesn't sleep with you on the second, third... etc.  He gets to know you.  He shows genuine interest in you as a person.  When he looks at you, he isn't gauging how hot you are naked.  He's reflecting on how amazing you are as a person.  One of the biggest reasons he doesn't sleep with you on the first date is because he values more than sex.  A relationship built on sex is really just two fuck buddies having fun.  Mr. Right controls himself at first and builds a relationship on a deeper level before sex.  There's lots of sex to be had out there and new sex does have a lot of strong feelings surrounding it.  Intimate sex (sex had between two committed people) is even more fulfilling, but there's an in between time where eyes will wander to new sexual partners, if there isn't other non-sexual reasons why the guy doesn't want to stray.

13.  The guys with the longest fuses have had the most experience.  

There is a direct relation to the speed at which they cum and the number of times they've performed the given sex act.  It's not that the act becomes boring, but that sex is a very mental experience.  The reason you cum when you do is in your head.  You cum quickly because you're over excited.  You can't cum at all because you've conditioned yourself to be difficult (or your drunk and mentally can't focus.. again it's mental).  The most experienced guys can plan when they cum.  They can cum almost on command with an attractive partner.  Look for these guys.  As long as they're always safe, there's no risk involved with sleeping with a guy who's had a lot of experience.  In fact, I'd highly recommend it.  There's nothing worse than him shooting in thirty seconds and you sitting there and jerking yourself off as he cleans up, especially if he was fucking you or you were fucking him.  Then the fun's basically over and you might as well just have watched porn at home.  Also avoid drugs like molly and ecstasy when having sex.  They may make the sex amazing, but they will kill regular non-drugged sex for you.  The same is true of poppers.  You should, frankly, avoid all three regardless for a variety of reasons.

And finally...

14.  Guys lie.

They lie about their intentions.  They lie about their experiences.  They lie about where they were Saturday when they called off a date.  

The easiest way to chase away liars is to not give out.  Liars do not stick around if there is no sex.  If you want to find an honest guy, don't put out for a while.  See if he sticks around.  See if he continues to put effort into the relationship.  If he does, then he's a keeper.  If not, move on.  He's not going to be the one for you.  He's in it for the sex.

Monday, November 30, 2015

On Fag Hags and Why They HATE Me

Fair warning, this post will probably come across as very negative to some people.  It is however my experience with this topic, and that has been quite negative.  Life.

Anywho, a "fag hag" is a girl that is good or more often best friends with a gay guy.  And as a rule I do not like them and they do not like me.  This is basically a universal truth in my experiences with them.  I don't think I've found one from any of the gay guys I know that I have gotten along with.

The reason behind this is really quite simple.  It is ingrained in the role they play in the gay guy's life and the role the gay guy plays in their life.  She is a facilitator of and justification for poor decision-making.  They are each other's excuse for every bad decision, every drunken hook up, every drug taken, every excessive party gone to, and every unwise action they take.  Because the other was with them that wild Friday night, their behavior was justified, whatever happened.  Of course it could be as harmless as occasionally drinking too much, to more detrimental... unsafe hook ups, cheating on their significant other, drugs, in general those kind of actions that are seen as carefree in your teenage or college years, but which are very detrimental to an adult relationship.

Because the gay guy isn't doing these things alone, they feel like it's not so bad that they do them.  And likewise, because she has him there too, she is justified in making poor decisions, regardless of how unsafe, dangerous, detrimental, or otherwise unwise, because he was also doing them.

So, if Dave goes out with Gloria on Sunday night to a really crazy party, the party gets raided, they both get arrested for possession, it's not the worst thing in the world... because the other one was there too.  Neither feels at major fault for unwise actions because clearly if their trusted friend is also doing them, then they can't be all that bad.  They can laugh it off as their little secret and go about their day.  It's just another "crazy" night they've had, and they bond over it.

I'm sure by this point I'm coming off as pretty pretentious to both fag hags and those who have them, but if you know me, my reaction to this phenomenon shouldn't be that much of a surprise and it is also why every fag hag I've ever known hates me and why I hate them.

You see, when I date the gay guy, I effectively take him away from her.  This is even true if I'm only platonic friends with the gay guy.  I supplant her position in his life, she feels threatened and feels like I'm taking something away from her.  More so, I tend to be "mature."  I'm the guy looking for the guy that wants to settle down, have a life together, have a family, careers, etc.  That life does not fit in with crazy Friday nights and drunken sluttiness.  It involves diapers and school buses, steady jobs and schedules, romantic weekend trips and "boring" video game nights.  It means monogamy and marriage, love, and happily ever after.  

While of course the girl would still play a role in his life, it would be a decreased role.  As a relationship grows, I spend more time with him and we spend more time confiding in each other-- using each other as support during difficult times instead of the girl.  She feels threatened and develops negative feelings towards the boyfriend/husband/(me), and in some cases, even tries to break them/us up (personal experience, don't ask).

Deep down, most guys do want to find that guy to spend the rest of their lives with, and yes most guys at one time or another do fill that emptiness with wild partying, drugs, hook ups, and/or a lot of other things.  Fag hags compliment them in those actions that they take to fill that void.  They justify poor decision-making.  Unfortunately for her though, most guys eventually grow up.  They find that amazing guy they want to have a happily ever after with, and the move on from sluttiness, drug abuse, over drinking, and such.  As a couple, their interests evolve from the "going out" mentality more to the "staying in" mentality.  That's not to say that they're boring and never go to a party or never have drinks, or never screw up and wander into work hung over, bleary eyed, and exhausted.  But, it declines.  Family becomes more important than "excitement".  Building a life together and a family together requires stability and security.  Two guys who go out Saturdays drink too much, take Molly, and cheat on each other will not have a successful relationship.

In short, I hate fag hags because they embody many of the qualities that are wrong for a potential husband.  And, they hate me because their gay guy wants me more than bad decision-making.  To me, she is the bad influence, but to her I am the bad influence.  Of course, this isn't true in all cases, but it is certainly true in the experiences I've had and in most of the ones I've seen others have.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Visiting Family for the Holidays

In case you haven't seen my previous posts on the issue in past years, I can't stand visiting "home" for the holidays.  Any holiday.  Frankly, even for an afternoon.  My parents are of course equal parts insane and meddling, like most parents, but they are also very homophobic.  Due to this fact, visiting them is at best mildly frustrating and and worst catastrophic.  If you know me, you know that I don't change who I am for others.  Ever.  No exceptions.  I am who I am and if you don't like it, tough.  That's not to say I'm a terrible person or anything.  Most people enjoy my company.  The problem with family though is quite pronounced.

I've reached the point in life where I'm looking for a good man to start a (obviously monogamous) relationship with, settle down with, start a family and a life with, etc.  At the same time, that potential man would never be welcome in my parents' home.  I could never show him where I grew up, my childhood bedroom, the trees I climbed as a kid.  I could never have him meet my parents. 

It makes me very sad that I can't share this part of my youth.  It's not that I had an amazing childhood--perhaps frankly the opposite sometimes.  But, it is part of who I am and it is where I came from.  I would want my future husband to be able to experience those things, share in my life story fully, but they can't.

I don't need my parents' validation for my future husband.  I really don't care if they like him or not.  I do care however what this potential love of my life thinks though.  I would want him to be able to see the whole me.  I would want for myself and for him for my life to come full circle, to see where I came from and the man I've become today, to see the full picture.  

Simply put, I'd want to share everything with him and I can't through no fault of my own or his.  This becomes even more poignant if he can share that part of his life with me.  It makes me disappointed and embarrassed for my parents.  I live my life openly and happily, it's difficult to come into contact with the opposite in their house.

Friday, November 20, 2015

A Little Food for Thought

The first... the culminating monologue from the 1940 Charlie Chaplin movie The Great Dictator.  The premise of the movie is that a Jewish barber during WWII accidentally replaces Hitler as the leader of Germany and the Nazi army.  This speech is also the reason why he never worked in Hollywood again.  Apparently mocking Hilter is a bad thing?  In reality it was a fight against fascism.  Perhaps something today we need to keep in mind...

The second is about the pettiness of our hatred for others.  I post this in regards to Syrian refugees and the further crisis the US right wing is trying to making out of their displacement.  The photo of the "Pale Blue Dot" is taken from the Voyager space craft.  It is the most distant photo of a visible Earth ever taken.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

The Most Fundamental Law of Sexual Attraction

If there is only one thing you know about dating, sex, relationships, love, the whole gambit, know this:

You receive that which you project.


Every guy that expresses interest in you that you are attracted to is an asshole.  They're all looking out for their own sexual needs, and while you're looking for a relationship and something serious, all they want to do is play.

Every guy?

Seriously though, sometimes we feel this way.  Sometimes we feel that every guy with which there is mutual interest is WRONG for us.  Regardless of what we're looking for.  Maybe you're looking for guys that want to hook up and you keep finding clingy relationship type guys.  Or possibly (and frankly more likely) the opposite, you want a relationship and the only guys that seem interested in you want your dick and nothing else.  I've been there, you've been there, we've ALL been there at one point or another.


As I said previously: You receive that which you project.

If every guy that seems interested and that you're interested in wants a fuck buddy, and you want a relationship, this is the reason.  You're projecting yourself as wanting a fuck buddy.  Consciously or subconsciously in your actions, you are sabotaging yourself.

When you talk to a guy, and he wants to hook up, and you think that if you're really good in bed, he'll change his mind and stay around, you're fooling yourself.  When he expresses a desire for a relationship and all you want is sex, he won't put out, or at least it will turn into an emotional cluster fuck after you try to separate yourself from him.

The good news?

There is good news!  Look at the guys that you are attracting.  Do they fall in line with what you're looking for?  If yes, then great!  You've got the best possible chance of finding the right guy for your desires.  If not, you're projecting, or in other words, giving out the wrong signals.

Guys are not mind readers.  If you act like a slut in the way you flirt, you will only attract sluts.  (No offense to genuine sluts!  You rock!)  And if you act less sexual you tend to attract people looking for a relationship.  Guys who want relationships don't go after guys who act like sluts.  Why?  Simple.  If you're looking for a relationship and this guy, NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTIVE(!), acts like a slut and comes on to you like they're looking for sex, you're going to brush them aside.  Likewise, if you come after sex as a guy looking for a long term relationship, you're going to attract only those looking for a long term relationship.  Guys looking for casual sex will not look first to the guy who comes across looking for something serious.  Of course, if there's no one else around they may still come by.  But even if you're looking for casual sex, if you're projecting relationship potential, and they still come for you, maybe you just want to sit this one out.  Think about the morals that person has.  Probably not worth any self-respecting slut's time.


If you want a relationship, make sure you're projecting those signals, both consciously as you speak with guys, but also in the way you flirt and the way you approach guys.  Relationship seekers don't like the casual sex seeker regardless of how hot they are.

The same is equally true for the opposite.  If you're looking for casual sex, project that when you meet guys.  Be open and honest.  Casual sex is not a bad thing.  It helps us discover what we like and who we want.  Some of us only want casual sex, and that's great, but some do move on as well, and you should respect that desire as well.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015


Not sure why I wanted to post this.  It is a beautiful song about a gay man's desire to find love in the 1980's.  For as many things have changed in 30 years, for as much as we have advanced and shown that we are equal to straight people, this song about the desire to find love, universal to all people of all sexual orientations, remains as strong, as deep, and as unequivocally beautiful.


And one more for those stories that don't always end the way you want them to.  Ok maybe a tad dramatic, but everyone's been there at one point or another.  It is the price you sometimes pay for the chance at finding love.


Yet sometimes you might come across a once in a lifetime person, in whom you find something greater than yourself, that means more to you than anyone or anything, even yourself.  It is a unique kind of magic.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Final Update: On Myself, Love, and My Perfect Guy


I'm in a good place myself.  I am enjoying life more than I had in the past few years.  I feel like I've begun to settle into life in general after college.  It's sort of strange though, as just a few weeks ago I might have thought otherwise.  I had said otherwise.  But, it seems to be true.

I've focused more on myself lately.  I don't mean in a selfish way, but that I've spent time assessing life, where I've been, and where I'm going.  A lot has happened in the last three years, from graduating college, to a two year relationship ending, to moving around for work, to work itself.  There has been a LOT of change in my life and as I see it now, also a lack of stability.  But now that this has been addressed I move forward again and I feel that I'm ready and happy to do so, which is a welcome change.  I hope the feeling continues into the new year.


As I said, I'm ready to move forward.  Ostensibly, I have been "over" my ex for around two years now.  Perhaps a bit more.  After getting out of a serious relationship, it takes time to unwind and rework yourself before you're in a good mindset to try again.  I realize now that the relationship itself wasn't really good for me.  Nothing against the guy, he'd always been very nice, but our differences led to difficulty in the relationship.  But I digress, it doesn't matter anymore.

In time, I went out on dates and picked up Grindr again and met and/or spoke with many possible guys.  I went out with a few off and on.  But, it wasn't until recently that I have been ready to find a relationship again.  Though, I moved on from the relationship after the first year after the breakup but I wasn't looking to get into another one truthfully and wholehearted until recently.  I had wanted to take a break.  I had dated two guys... the last one and the one before, back-to-back for the better part of three years, more than half of college.  I needed time to myself to reorganize and reassess.  And, I did.

This past week working away from my home location, I had a lot (and I mean a lot) of time to dedicate thought, and I did use it.  I think it had been coming along for a while now.  I'm ready to make a new effort again.  A serious effort.  I've always put everything I've got into serious relationships (the two I've spoken of).  It takes a lot out of me at the same time, when they don't work out.

So, this morning I went through my computer and phone and deleted all of the old photos (particularly the private ones).  I took down three of my "dating" apps.  I'll keep grindr and okcupid.  But, I've also erased grindr.  Why?  Why any of this?  Because, I'm done playing around.  Finished.  I want to find something real, and something real isn't someone that leaves if you don't put out when you first meet.  Real isn't "Netflix and chill".  Real means that I'm confident in myself and ok with being alone in the meantime.  I don't need a random body lying next to me.

I will continue to do everything I can to make myself into the most perfect version of me that I can be.  And, then, I need to attract my perfect guy.


Everyone has a perfect guy.  They embody certain qualities and traits that they find most attractive.  I'm, of course, no different.  I'm not sure if for most the qualities desired are as complex as mine, perhaps they are, perhaps they're not, or perhaps they might be even if they don't think about them consciously.  I'm not sure.  Regardless, this is what I'm looking for:


I believe in strict monogamy in a gay world that in some corners rebels against it for some idiotic reason.  It's not sticking it to straight people to intentionally rob yourself of a very fulfilling (and NOT straight only) institution. 

I believe that you meet someone, you go out with them, you both have a great time, and you both go out several more times.  You get to know each other, you talk, have fun, go places (even if they're simple dates like spending the afternoon in the park or hiking in the woods).  From there you decide mutually that there's a connection and you're both interested in going forward with it.  Sometime around this point monogamy is implied and should be in force.

I believe that at this point, all dating apps and websites must be deactivated.  And no, I don't buy the story that you use it for chatting and friends.  That's crap and we both know it.  If you see potential in a relationship, at some point it has to reach this level.  You have to want to give up looking and focus solely on the potential you have in front of you.

The trick is timing.  As a personal rule of thumb, I only go out with one person at a time.  Even if we only go out twice.  Sometimes people find this to be extreme.  I don't.  If I'm serious about finding someone to spend my life with, I'm going to give each potential person my undivided attention.  To me that's not unacceptable.  And it is what I require in another.  If you're not serious about possibly sticking around with me, then why not be my friend instead of trying to jump into bed with me.  In the future, if you decide that you really want me, then delete the apps and focus on me.  Otherwise, it's just friends with benefits... and I don't do that.

Physical Looks:

I don't have a type.  I don't care about eye color, skin color, or hair color.  In general, a guy would be about my height or shorter.  So that's something I guess.  A guy would be in decent shape or better--muscular, athletic, average, to slim.  I'm not one to fawn over six pack abs and body builder physiques though...  Frankly if you spend that much time in the gym we're not going to have much in common anyways.  But, you need to take care of yourself from a health perspective.  I don't date people that are overweight.  I don't find them attractive sexually or emotionally (in that way).  Just the same I don't find people that smoke, do drugs, or drink in excess attractive.  If you don't take care of your body, I don't find you attractive.  If you do, then yes you might be physically attractive to me.

The same rules apply for cleanliness and appearance.  Groom nicely and shower daily.  It's not difficult! In the same way, have decent teeth and brush them from time to time.

Conversely, don't obsess over yourself and your looks.  I don't find gym rats attractive for this reason.  If you spend so much time on how you look physically, I find you have spent so little time on you mentally, emotionally, or on interacting well with others.

I'll also add that I don't particularly care about penis size.  It's stupid that I even need to address this, but apparently I do for as much as I've seen it be a problem.  The only issue I have here is if you care one way or another about your own size.  It's not attractive if you feel inadequate or lack confidence sexually.  If you don't like you, why should I?  Likewise, it's not attractive if you're over confident, it just comes across as arrogant or self-centered.  I can't stand a guy who thinks he's -- forgive the pun -- cock-of-the-walk, because he has a large penis.  Reality check, I've seen bigger, much bigger, trust me I'm not joking.  The only way you're attractive to me is if you're a genuinely good person and you're confident, but not overconfident, in yourself. Of course showering and basic grooming wouldn't hurt.

Emotional State:

I'm looking for a guy who is stable.  As I've said, he should be confident in his abilities but not arrogant.  He should be happy for the most part, but not afraid to be sensitive and not afraid of displaying emotions when important.  He should also be self-sufficient, in that he should not ordinarily depend on me for his emotional well being.

This is key:  You need to WANT to be with me, not NEED to be with me.

Obviously, as a relationship grows, we grow closer together emotionally, and I love that aspect of a relationship.  But, when one guy depends on the other disproportionately, it creates an imbalance in the relationship, inevitably leading to one or the other breaking it off.  When one depends on the other for their emotional well-being, the other feels that they're being clingy and retreats.

When you need someone in your life, you are not secure enough in yourself to be in a relationship with another person.  Figure your stuff out first.  Be secure in yourself.  I'm not asking that you are Mr. Happy-go-lucky and never have issues and never hurt or have bad days.  Nonsense, we all do.  We all have monsters under our beds, so to speak, but the key is that we're not too petrified to leave our beds because of them.  I look for honesty and ownership of one's person.  Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses.  Own yourself, don't let your emotional state own you.

Mental State:

Be intelligent!  It's very attractive.  But don't be a dick about it.  Intelligence isn't about one-uppping each other.  It's about being mentally stimulating.  For me it's about the small things.  It's wandering around museum exhibits on the weekend and enjoying good books after dinner.  It's about being able to engage in political or philosophical discussions.  Through mental interactions we both grow as people.  We share with each other our experiences, the places we've been, the things we know, and in doing so grow closer together.  Intelligence is about having a passion for something and being able to talk about it for hours and hours just for the hell of it.  It's about not being ashamed for being a geek about something, whatever it is and embracing that inner geek because it translates into passion about something and passion is really sexy.

Goals and Dreams:

HAVE THEM!!  Have goals and dreams!  Goals are attainable, tangible things that someone wants to and has planned to achieve.  Dreams are those impossible things, that you'd love to do someday, but haven't (perhaps yet) found the path towards attaining.

Have life goals.  Here are mine:  Find someone that I'm madly and deeply in love with, who is madly and deeply in love with me, to spend the rest of our lives together.  Work hard, whatever or wherever the job is, to provide for the comfort of life that everyone should be able to have, even though it's increasingly difficult to do so.  I want to be secure financially, to be able to take vacations and explore, to enjoy life, to have a house in a good area with open space, and not have to worry about how I'm going to pay for it.  I want to be able to balance my life between working for my goals and actually living them.  I want to have a family with the man I love.  I want to defy negative stereotypes of gay people and show doubters of my eligibility for equality that I am worth it and that I can and do achieve success in it.

Obviously we'll need to have some similar goals...  I'd want to marry the right guy.  He should want to as well.  We'd both want to be strictly monogamous.  We'd both want a family and all that comes along with that.  But other than that, just have goals:  Personal goals, professional goals, all kinds of goals.

Then there are dreams.  Dream big!  What do I dream?  I dream that someday I could support myself through my writing.  I dream that I could do so and stay home and take care of my kids.  I dream that someday my husband and I can go about our lives without ever having to think about how we're going to be perceived by others, without having to worry that we or our family will ever be treated differently because we are two men who love each other.

As long as your dreams are compatible with mine, which shouldn't be hard, you'd be compatible with me.

In Summary:

I know who I am.  I know what I'm looking for in life.  I won't stop until I find it.  And there's nothing in this life that will stop me from looking for it.


Friday, October 16, 2015

On My Life Right Now

It's been several years since graduating college.  In that time I've done a lot of different things, been to a lot of new places, met a lot of new people.  But, something is still not completely right.  It's difficult when you spend your entire educational life heading towards a goal, and then when you reach that goal, there's nothing there at all.  It has been very difficult reconciling with the fact that I will never do what I had chosen to do after college, what I had prepared for for all of my educational life so far.  But that's nothing new.  Lots of people don't do what they were planning on doing.  Lots of people find something else that distracts them.  And, that's just fine.  

The problem is that I haven't found anything, not that I've found something else.  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my job most of the time (obviously even the most fulfilled person has their off days), but work isn't particularly fulfilling.  It's work.  For the most part the people are nice, that isn't the problem.  The job is fine.  The people are fine.  Everything is fine.  I won't say that it pays well, but it does pay the bills.  So that's fine too.

The problem isn't with work.  Work is something you do so that when you are not working you can enjoy the life that you're living.  The problem is that I'm definitely not enjoying the life that I'm living.  I don't do anything outside of work.  On a day off, I do nothing.  Ok maybe I do laundry and clean the apartment.  But that's not a life.

I simply do nothing.  I sleep in late.  I might actually spend the entire day in bed, on the laptop, pissing around the Internet, not really doing anything.  I may literally only get up to go to the bathroom, then right back to bed to watch Netflix or read some mindless political blog and argue with people clearly paid to troll on others.  If I'm feeling particularly ambitious I might get up and play video games for ten hours or so and then roll back into bed.  Or perhaps I might drive a ways north to frequent a Japanese restaurant I enjoy or else see a movie.  A night out now consists of that... Eating alone.  Then going to see a movie alone, preferably on a Tuesday or Wednesday night where the theater will literally be empty other than myself.

The problem is that all of this, every bit (except perhaps for the need to eat occasionally) leaves me with a sense of wasting time.  A sharp, guilt-like down feeling that I've wasted the entire day.  But, at the same time, I concede that I wasn't going to do anything anyway.  Frankly, it's not like I've done anything in years anyways.  The limit to my social interaction seems to be my bed.  And that's not nearly as thrilling as it might have been if it actually meant something.  

At the same time that my social life suffers, so do my dating prospects.  I don't do anything.  Remember, no hobbies, no interests, no real reason aside from work to get out of bed in the morning.  I don't meet people except for shitty online places or even shittier apps.  And that never works anyways.  People lie.  They want sex, and I find if they can't have it, they quickly lose interest.  I have no interest in meaningless sex.  It has no point.  It does nothing to make my life more interesting or happy aside from a few hours of sex (if they're not terrible, and they frequently are).  And that's only if you're compatible.  Otherwise it's just super awkward.

I haven't even dated anyone even casually (and I HATE casual dating) in more than three years now.  Every guy I meet seems to have a drug problem or smokes or else is so wrapped up in the hook up culture that they have no interest in anything more serious.  Or worse, engaging in dangerously unsafe sexual practices with random hook ups.  How guys can live like that I'll never understand.  I want someone to share my life with and so many, so so many seem to have given up.  When did it become the norm to accept the thought that you're not worth love?

I'm not suggesting that the hook up culture isn't a viable option for some.  I'm sure it is.  I'm suggesting that there are so many people out there who literally think...  "Ideally I'd love to find a husband/wife, but everyone out there just sucks, I'll probably be single forever."  And, I'm equally guilty of that thought process.  And I've dated a few and gone out on dates with many very attractive (physically, mentally, and otherwise) guys over the years.  So often I fall into the mindset of, I would totally stick with this guy if he was interested.  Though I'm sure the opposite has happened as well... where another guy would say the same about me, but I wasn't attracted to them for one reason or another.

It's not like I'm setting standards that are unattainable.  Be moderately physically attractive, be honest and monogamous, be romantic and in tune with sharing life with another person.  It's not really that difficult, but so much drama stems from those general qualities.  What's my type?  Monogamous, thoughtful, cares about himself, and is willing to try.  As time goes on though, I have an increasingly short fuse with stupid bullshit.  Like a guy that I'm seeing sitting on Grindr all night but is "working" all night.  Or a guy that I'm seeing exclusively trading naked photos with others.  Or a guy I'm dating getting drunk and making out with strangers.  I have no time for this. 

Why is it so difficult to find someone who actually wants to build a real, lifelong connection?  It's been done since the beginning of time, it shouldn't be this difficult.

Otherwise not much else is going on in life.  I want to write more, but I'm always tired.  Except when I can't sleep.  Which is even more problematic (and the reason I'm writing this tonight).  Even finding the willpower to do the simplest things is difficult.  I work all the time.  When I'm not working, I'm sleeping or else planning my life around my work schedule.  I have no social life.  I have no sex life to speak of.  I have no one special in my life.  I have no hobbies.  No interests.  No goals.  And no life quite frankly.

I'm not looking for someone to come sweep me off my feet.  I'm not naive enough to think such a thing is healthy or good.  Depending on others for happiness is a dead end.  I am looking to be happy however, and at the moment I'm at a loss as to how I'm going to do that all things considered.  Obviously there are those in my life that care about me and would try to make me happy.  The issue is that I have to find my own way.  I don't mean a job.  I mean for life.  Too often people equate one with the other.  They're much different.  As of late I'm feeling lost.  Hopefully I can find a way to improve that soon.  Four and a half years out of college and I'm not enjoying the lack of direction in my life right now.

Friday, October 9, 2015

REVISED: Space-Time, Black Holes, and the Solution of the Grand Unified Theory

Modern science takes space and time as one unit... space-time.  This accounts for the affects seen under general relativity and readily observed throughout the universe.  The problem exists however that general relativity breaks down under extreme conditions, that is over the event horizon of a black hole.  I contend that this is the case because we are incorrectly defining what we are seeing.


The intense gravity of a black hole exacerbates what I believe to be the differences between space and time, which ordinarily work functionally well together.  Space and time are most linked at low speeds.  They are so closely linked that we cannot truthfully tell them apart.  However, as the relative speed of two objects diverges, time literally slows for the faster moving object.  Likewise, this is true as gravity lessens.  We see this everyday as the clocks on computers in orbit run slightly slower than those on the ground.  The same would run true looking at the classic scenario of moving a space ship to near the speed of light and having it later return to Earth--the tenants of the ship would have aged slightly, yet the people on Earth would have aged considerably more.

We mark time as the passing of something from one point or phase to another, such as the second hand moving on a clock.  But this is not the "time" that I'm speaking of, well at least not in it's most basic form.  The clock moves because of a ridiculously large number of "base particle" interactions.  (By base particle I mean that which cannot be broken down further than it is.)  That is how any action takes place, from atoms fusing to me typing and you reading this page.  All of these actions move because of the interaction on this level between the base particles and the change caused when they interact. We quantify time differently because it is the only way that we experience it in our own lives.  Our experiences color how we perceive things.  In the case of time, it's quite different on the quantum level than on the human-sized existence we live.


Let's take a look at black holes now.  In black holes we have a large quantity of matter.  We also have a large amount of gravity.  This is accepted.  But, let me change for a moment exactly what a black hole is.  It is NOT a singular central point.  Well, it may be projected as that in our three dimensional universe.  But it isn't actually.  A black hole is simply a center of gravity around which matter is racing at the speed of light.

A black hole is a gravity well so strong that light cannot escape it.  When a star collapses or when matter falls into a black hole, it circles it until it hits the event horizon (the point at which light can no longer escape the system) and at that point general relativity no longer can tell you what is happening to the matter. 

I can.

At the center of a black hole, matter continues to circle at the speed of light.  As mass enters the black hole, it isn't a perfect system, and can lose some of that energy back into space.  The area just before the event horizon glows (in relation to absolute darkness).  Further out it may glow in lower spectrum radiation, but the closer to the black hole, the higher energy the radiation needs to be to escape (the rest falls in).  As you get closer and closer to the center of mass, less and less is able to escape.  The speed of the mass rotating around the center of gravity is also nearing the speed of light.  At the event horizon, the rotation of the matter around the center of gravity does hit the speed of light.

The large amount of gravity ensures that total entropy is hit at the center of the black hole.  Quite literally nothing exists there that has any spacial dimensions.  Matter has been broken down into it's smallest form.  Matter is defeated by time because gravity overcomes it's counterbalance under these conditions and the base particles can no longer build into complex matter.

Looking at the event horizon from outside, we see a frozen image.  This is because from our point of view gravity's counterbalancing force is actually winning, just in the same way two trains could be moving in the same direction parallel to each other but the one at the slightly slower speed seems to be moving backwards.  To us, time has won and entropy was defeated on the event horizon.  From inside the black hole, the opposite appears to be true.  Entropy won completely and the universe ages to its end before our eyes (if seeing such things were actually possible from the event horizon, which of course they're not).

The fact is that both views are accurate.

From outside the black hole, from that perspective we use general relativity and the rules set out to work in our universe as we know it.  From inside the black hole, the counterbalancing set of rules apply.  But these rules are only ways to describe what is happening.  In reality both things are happening from certain points of view.

I would also contend that if two black holes were to merge and you were beyond the event horizon on the smaller black hole as it fell into the other larger one, you would appear to freeze in time at the larger one's event horizon.  And vice versa.  The person viewing from the larger black hole then you would see much the same as the person who sits on the event horizon and turns around to see the universe age and entropy.

The fact is that the grand unified theory is simply that the entire universe is simply perspective.  Quantum mechanics and general relativity both occur at all times; depending on your point of view they occur at varying degrees of accuracy.  This is a function of gravity and it's counterbalancing force.


As a bonus, the Big Bang...

In a three dimensional universe:

You know the story of the Big Bang as an explosion from a singularity into the entire universe... expanding and cooling and whatnot.

In a two dimensional universe:

Picture the surface of a body of water that stretches out as far as you can see in all directions and that you know is spherical (such as the Earth).  It is completely calm and has no defined depth because it is just a surface, there is no below the surface.  There are no variations in the water at all.  It is completely uniform.  Now poke the water.  Watch the ripples cascade out from your impact.  Instead of dissipating however, once an action takes place the ripples don't settle down.  The combined energy of your impact with the surface of the water is perfectly transferred every time it impacts on another area of the water.

This impact would have been how the beginning of the universe would have looked in a two dimensional universe.  It was only uniformity.  There was no way to divide it into pieces of any kind prior to the Big Bang.  There was quite literally nothing there but uniformity.  The existence of anything is predetermined by its difference from everything and/or anything else.  If everything is the same then nothing exists.  For example, if everyone has always been dead then no one is ever alive or if everyone is always happy then there is no such thing as sadness.  This is the the only way to describe the universe prior to the Big Bang

In a one dimensional universe:

Everything there could ever be is on a line.  It expands out at both ends like extruding spaghetti.


Bonus #2:  The Creation of the Universe and Time

Time is not yet apparent at the point of the Big Bang regardless of the number of dimensions it is experienced through, and therefore no creation is needed.  Until the universe "is" existing, in terms of time, it never was.  There was no creation as it always existed so long as time did.  Our concepts of time and infinity here create an equation with no solution.  The limit of the universe deviates from zero as time runs from its inception forward.

In reality, the Big Bang, or the creation of our universe occurred in a place with zero dimensions.  It both happened and didn't happen at the same time and both are correct interpretations of the event.  
This event (which you can't really call an event because it both happened and never happened) is the extrapolation of a zero dimensional event onto a dimension that includes three dimensions and time as a factor.

Remember though that what occurred at the event we call the Big Bang is different based on how many dimensions you are looking at it through.  As an example look at differentiation and integration in calculus... When you move from one level to another you can gain or lose data.  The differences in how we perceive the universe are the "+c" of the equation run in one direction and the discarded polynomial run in the other.  It both matters and doesn't matter, is an exact quantity and a general one, depending only on from which point you started looking at it.  The same is true of the universe.  Everything quite literally exists and doesn't exist, based on perspective.