Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Finally I finished and turned in my thesis! Hell yeah! Well, heck yeah, really. That finished, and most of my other responsibilities nearly done, I can't help but see the end of the year approaching. I'd be lying if I said I looked forward to it. I don't. I don't want to move back home. Fuck family. But I will. Unfortunately. I'll look to keep myself busy this summer though. I'll find something.

It's unfortunate though that it's all about to be over. Four years up and gone. Most of the people I know and like I probably won't get to see again, some I should hope I do. But lives change and people go their own ways. It's a fun thing when just about everyone you care about is about to disappear from your life.

I know that life goes on. And I know that I will too. After summer I have grad school right back here again, but it will be different. Just about everyone will be gone. Oh well. I know life will move on and so will I, but it will be kicking and screaming. I've gotten comfortable with the people around me and I'm not looking forward to having to re-network.

I've been very lucky in the past four years finding people who accept me for who I am and who I trust. Not everyone is that way. Case and point, most of my family members. Fuck family. I'm sure I'll find people, but will they be as good? Doubtful.

I'll always remember the good times though. But, now I've got to make the best of this situation.



Wednesday, May 6, 2009

This Summer...

I figured I'd title this one differently than the others which preceded it at the end of every school year. Usually it was something to the effect of "It's that Time of Year Again..." with a big ole moan on the end there. That's not to say that this summer might not be a big ole moan anyways. It could be. I haven't had it yet, so I don't know. But when I do, be certain that you'll know.

Anywho, I need to find something or someone to keep me busy this summer. I don't care what or who. Just something non-lethal to get my attention. As anyone who knows me for any length of time, you know that there are two things that I cannot stand in life and they are my parents and religious belief. Thankfully, I can avoid the latter most days of the week, and be hilariously sacrilegious otherwise. The holy grail of sacrilege to me would be gay sex on the altar. It just seems like the right place. Of course, to snap one off in the rectory comes in a close second. But, I digress.

My parents aren't easily removed of. I don't want to spend tons of money. I'm generally lacking in preparation for any large jaunt. And therefore, my jaunts seem to be shorter in nature. I'll be home sometime after dark. With any luck, I'd sleep through the morning. But, I'd still have to bother with them for the afternoon and evening. Conservative, anti-gay sheep. It's not like I can really feel comfortable in their house. I was in the closet for the better part of six years and I have no desire to get my ticket stamped for reentry. Fuck them and their outdated beliefs.

So that brings me again to my problem. I don't have anything to do this summer. A tutoring job apparently fell through. I don't need to go out into the workplace as I'll be back at school here next year for grad school. (I just hope there are people left in the area that I like.) Anything I would find would be of the summer variety, and those seem in short supply this year. Surprize!

I need something or someone to keep me busy. I could start writing seriously again, but that would mean more time at home. I do want to get to the beach again this year. It's been so long since I've been and I love it so much, 3/4ths naked men notwithstanding of course. I'd thought about staying in this area over break, but I don't have anywhere to stay. So that's a negatory. I'd thought about just driving and not coming back for a few weeks. But where to go, and what to do. It's not as much fun if you're alone and doing all the driving yourself. I've thought about sitting myself in the Foxwoods cardroom all summer and building my bankroll. But, as much as I like poker and competition, I can't sit on my ass that much and I'm not willing to risk that much start up cash. Granted I'm going to need a mother load of cash to pay off my loans. At least I have another 21 months in grad school before I need to start paying them back. I'd thought about setting up a massive number of teacher's lesson plans for when I actually hit the classroom after grad school, but intersting as that may be for a while, after a week or two of steady work, that's going to wear on me too.

I need to do something this summer, and it needs to be as far away from family as legitimately possible. Any ideas? I'm pretty much up for anything at this point. I hear Guam is nice this time of year.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

This is Getting More Frequent and at the Same Time Less Frequent...

Posting that I'll get back to things for the former and actually posting the latter. Oh well, I do mean it regardless. I've been very busy trying to do nothing when I have things to do. Therefore, it's not a good idea to do something if you have something else to do. It's bad karma. You dig? Well I would, but karma is bull shit too. It's a word for a feeling. I have another word for another feeling... fuck... as it yourself. Go-fuck-yourself.

Go fuck yourself if you think that what goes around comes around. If it did there would be no income disparity in this nation, no trade deficit, and no unemployment.

Go fuck yourself if you think that being good will get you good things. The good get trampled on by the opportunistic. That said, I suppose you could call me a militant good person. Or fucking St. Nick with a riding crop and a AK.

Go fuck yourself if you think that only the good die young. The bad die young at exactly the same rate as the good, but they haven't had the time to prove their badness yet. Badness is far harder to maintain than goodness. For goodness all you have to do is NOT do things. Don't cheat. Don't steal. Don't rape, pillage and murder. For bad you have to do all those things. And consistently to tons of people.

  • Che Guevara killed people, he's adored by ivy league wannabe's. Yet, George Bush was responsible for the deaths and displacements of millions of Iraqis and Afghan's but so few really care, because he didn't kill the "good" people. The ones that look like us, dress like us, and pray like him. They didn't even have to do anything. They're good by default. And Afghan's and Iraqi's are bad by default. For no reason. So, bull shit, good and bad are subjective too -- the good can't die young. One's good is another person's bad.
Well, that's that on this and that. I've got more work to not do.