It just goes to show that the human race is a complete intellectual failure that we cannot even agree to treat everyone as they want to be treated. We haven't the foresight to see that this will more than make up for itself.
What is all this about homosexuality being a choice. Sure that's an easy solution, providing we forget about all the countries that prohibit it at the penalty of death and still it remains. You can't get much harsher than that.
What's the worst thing to grab while fumbling around in the dark for a bath towel? Well, based on my experience I'd say my teenage sister's lace bra. But, hey my mom's would come in a close second.
Have you ever noticed that the things in life that we can't live without cost the most. Houses, cars, children, refrigerators, washers, dryers, you name it.
Milk prices are going up this week because of the cost of fuel. Some are also blaming the cost of corn feed for cows. With increased ethanol production, corn prices are allegedly skyrocketing. Shoot, can we tear down the wall and have Mexican workers bring corn over the boarder with them? We could even make a game show out of it. The person who gets around security first wins citizenship. For the sake of reality TV, call it The Bored Maize.
Did you know that the people on survivor actually lived in hotels after the cameras turned off.
A man is a person, not an island. Well, except for Prince Edward Island, that's both apparently.
Are there any cutthroat vocalists?
I've sworn off eating out. Last week I ordered the Peking Duck at a Chinese restaurant and was mortified by the bill.
Is anyone else mad at those "Get Zwinky" commercials? I don't even know what it is and I won't buy it.
Here's a free tip: If you want to cool off on a hot summer day, take a hot shower not a cold one. When you get out of the shower you will feel refreshed for almost an hour rather than feeling oppressive immediately.
What ever happened to the mullet? I think someone should bring it back. Paris Hilton anyone?
Look this up Mitt Romney's first name. It's Willard! I'm not joking!
Imagine if all the fetuses that were aborted actually weren't. Talk about overcrowding. Nevermind the financial implications. I wonder how heavy that drain would be on our social services. That settles it, get an abortion; it makes economical sense; it's patriotic.
Why are zoos legal? Honestly, it's just this side of San Quentin to really get me going. At least in jail you get reamed in the ass every now and then.
Why do baseball pitchers like old gloves but need new balls every couple of minutes?
I wonder how many people actually know where the name Deepthroat came from.
In the summer we make it cooler; in the winter we make it warmer. What a waste of energy. If we could all just do the opposite it would save us a hell of a lot of money.
Honestly what did the world do before plastics? It's frightening!
If I could have one wish I'd like to have football players and soccer players switch jobs for one week. It would be enlightening.
You want the surest investment that you can possibly get? Here it is... When the next big video game console comes out, buy as many as you can right up front, no matter the cost. Then sell them on EBay immediately. You'll make at least double, maybe triple your money back.
Ron Jeremy's new bestiality porn: Sex, Pugs & Lies.
Shower before you go to bed and your sheets will last twice as long.
How pointless is it to wash laundry every day? Well how many times a year do you wash your winter coat? Your comforter? Your dress work shoes? Your toothbrush? The chairs at your dinner table? The couch? Or better yet... Your mattress?
Why was the cartoon "Doug" so popular?
Why is true love so rare if everyone wants it?
Tone deaf? Bullshit! That's just an excuse for bad vocal performance.
I used to believe that everything has to have a purpose. But what could possibly be the purpose of stage fright?
What is the big deal with authority and things that make us feel good? They've been trying to stamp them out since ancient times. We even have an organization solely devoted to the stamping out of life's pleasures: The Catholic Church.
Oprah spends millions of dollars building an all-girls school in South Africa, while the boys starve.
Why do the bands that appear on late night television profoundly suck?
Does every golf ball have the same number of dimples. You'd think they'd have to coming from the same mold. Maybe now and then they add or subtract a few just to mess with our game.
If you'd like to be a successful poker player by all means watch as much poker on TV as you can. It makes you easier to beat.
Guys can walk around without shirts on why can women? I sense a conspiracy.
If there's one look that I'm certain will never be attractive, it's got to be the redneck mustache.
And one last one...
I've never seen a one-legged dog. Now I have a reason to live.
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