Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Un-selfishness of Man

Man feels good when he does charitable deeds be them large or small. Some believe this to be itself an act for self-pleasure. That is, one does charitable work for their own selfish reasons. That may in fact be true, insofar as people could use this device to attain pleasure, but I pose the question: Why does the feeling exist in the first place? Why do we feel good when we do good deeds? Why not just feel good when we help ourselves? In a world where nature tends towards simplicity, it seems out of place that this sort of self-pleasure by charity should exist.

I believe when this feeling was created(or selectively survived evolution) the simplest reason for its continued existence is in the first action, the charity, that perhaps the second action, pleasure, is only a means to ensure that the first takes place as part of some epicurean or animalistic mind set remnant of our earlier days, like orgasm and procreation.

However orgasm is not the reason civilized man has children; children being the sole biological reason for sex; the reason is love. Thereby, I believe that the sole reason civilized man gives charity is love for others and not for personal gain.

The final question remains: Why is this important? Well, it is important because I believe it proves that man does not do things for personal pleasure but because they have a genuine desire to help others.


AMENDMENT: People claim that humans have sex for pleasure. This is inherently faulty however. The reason that two people usually have sex is for love, the connection between two people. Some do have sex for pleasure, but a majority of man, I think you will agree, has sex for reasons tied to love (perhaps even giving pleasure to their partner).

AMENDMENT II: People claim that emotions and human reason are abstract, unidentifiable concepts. However, they are not. I'm of the firm belief that their is nothing to a person that is not materially in their body. Logic dictates this. Nothing can exist without existing by the very definition of the term. Faith does not make something true or false. Only hard evidence can prove the existence of something not rhetoric and idealistic conversation.

AMENDMENT III: People claim that there are no absolutes, that likewise man cannot be defined in such. This is correct. Perhaps there are some out there whose goal is to derive self-pleasure, consciously or subconsciously, from charity. I believe however, that they are the exception to the rule, not the rule themselves. As I stated, nature tends towards simplicity.

AMENDMENT IV: I acknowledge the possibility that this feeling like orgasm is reminiscent from pre-historic man.

AMENDMENT of AMENDMENT II: Contrary to possible assumptions, this article itself is not nulled by the argument presented in AMENDMENT II. One is able to theorize reasons behind a physical existence (i.e. deduce the reason something exists), though as I said not the physical existence itself. Theorizing cannot make something exist or cease to exist.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Darkness

We never understand that which we need.
We never realize that which we desire.
We are alone and in darkness in our lives,
Plowing into the future, blinder than blind.
We make it up as we go,
We think on our feet.
Why not, what've we got to lose,
Only our lives.

Yet it works somehow,
Day by day, our lives stretch by,
Cloaked in darkness, blinded by sight.
We find illumination in ourselves
To light our way
And all is good.

Happiness and depression,
Anger, rage, compassion, and love
Fear, trepidation, caution,
Expedition, daring, and bravery.
All in the darkness that we see.
Never before and never after,
Everafter we walk in darkness,
The darkness of our own design.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Just a Reminder

The Massachusetts primary elections are tomorrow, Tuesday, September 19th 2006. So get off your lazy asses and vote. Or quit complaining.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Rantings of a Mad Man Part X: The Decade Mark

Hopefully this is of a better quality than Jason X...

I know it's been a while since the last time I posted. But school's school, and I hope that's good enough. As for TheDiscountedMonkey I wish him all the best in Europe. And I can't wait for you to come to your senses and keep posting so at least I don't have to sit here and talk to myself.

That said... I had about a pound and a half of Jujyfruits today, and I'll tell you if there's a gassier cinema snack then be it a plague on mankind and housemates alike.

ESPN's Monday Night Football isn't going so great. Really? Do I remember caring? Let me check... Nope, didn't think so. Serves the NFL right for getting greedy.

I'm still eating the damn Jujyfruits! Fuck!

I've got one for you: When you've got a moment check out Tropicana's "Strawberry Orange" Juice. You'll never forget it, I'll just say that.

Life is so simple to live, yet so complicated to live.

I can quote more lines from The Simpsons than from the Constitution or the Bible or anything.

I've noticed that if I have cable I watch less TV than if I don't.

I've noticed that birds only crap on new cars. That's why mine has 190,000 miles and never gets washed. Well, either that or I'm poor and lazy.

The trees have started to change colors. Fuck that. Although I always wondered why we didn't change colors in the autumn and lose our hair or ears or something. Maybe like moose lose their antlers, we'd lose our balls and grow back larger ones next year. No? Well based on the success of those enlargement pills, I'd think it'd be a good idea.

There is no realistic reason why King of the Hill should still be on TV.

If I had all the time in the world I'd use it to do exactly what I want, nothing. Why? Because I have all the time in the world, why waste it all doing everything up front?

Why did everyone get all bent out of shape about boobgate? I mean seriously, if no one ever showed the clip again, you know like in real slow motion pixelating it as she popped out, then no one would've cared. I know. I saw the original, when it happened. And you saw nothing, too bad yes, but still nothing. And now the FCC thinks it's doing me a favor by repressing that sort of thing? Let me just add that if anyone really wants to do me a favor, depixelate that slow motion shot and leave me in a dark room. Thanks.

I want the right to arm bears.

Unfortunately, in making peace we only determine that again someday there will be war.

Why are some dictionaries smaller than others? Shouldn't a dictionary have all words of a given language in it? More so, who sits down and recalls all these words? Or is it a team effort?

Just remember, this weekend, if the van is a rockin', the Sox are losing.

Paper or plastic? Why not just pack all of it loosely in the car? It's cheaper and more eco-friendly.

Why are there more cars in this country than there are people able to drive them?

Why does it get colder when it rains and warmer when it snows?

I've stopped caring about hurricane season. It's stupid.

I know dogs fart; do cats?

A man must walk down six roads of at least three hundred rods in length to be officially called a man.

I stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Yes me. Has to be. I was there.

How many different releases of Star Wars are there going to be? Yet, I know that those sorry-ass nerds out there will buy them all. There should be a sex test to buy those things to prove that you're worthy. I say it's got to be third base or better or nothing doing. Oh who am I kidding, the only thing any of them ever got to third base with was when they ran the bases backwards in tee-ball.

George Lucas and Ann Coulter are both virgins. I'd put money on it.

I don't remember if I asked this before but, why do different bottled waters taste differently? ...Come to think of it, I'm sure I've asked that before.

Calculus is pointless to the common man.

Who knows if two snowflakes really aren't alike? Is there a council on this. Oh, now I remember. It's the National Snowflake Association. The NSA. But why are they wiretapping? No wonder we don't know where Osama is.

Fritos claim to be the original corn chips. They're the original? How long's the company been around? I'm certain that right now there's a little old Spanish lady sitting in line in an American embassy to file papers to sue them. But don't worry, this is the U.S. government, Frito Lay's got at least a decade before it reaches the right people.

Old people reflect fondly on the past, grumble about the present, and say that the future generation is going to hell. I wonder if anyone's ever studied this. Just a thought.

I've never had a bad day after eating Lucky Charms. Correlation?

Light toast and weak tea does not a good meal make.

Toasters claim to have a medium setting. But I think they're just covering up that it's either light or char. I smell a law suit. ...No wait! That's fucking burnt toast!

Depression meds cause people to commit suicide? You'd think they'd pull those drugs.

I hate white sand beaches. When the sand's all gritty and dark you can't tell where the other guy's dog took a piss.

I should think that cat's would love the beach. Maybe that's why there were so many in Egypt. Then again most of them were ugly ass cats. Inbreeding I suppose, that's why it doesn't have any fur.

Why don't guys go bald on their faces?

Is a gun really protection if everyone has one? I say be the one who doesn't and find out for yourself.

Good oral sex sucks the big one.

Damn, chickens must breed like rabbits. But if rabbits breed like rabbits, why don't we eat more rabbit. Betcha it tastes like chicken.


Alright that's all I've got. G'night.


Sunday, September 3, 2006

Just Life

I know I don't have all the answers. Hell I don't even understand half the questions. It nags at you and try as you might you can't scratch the itch. I always thought I had a pretty good grasp on what life was all about, I really did, well, better than most did anyways. I thought I had all the answers and I'd solved all the questions. But that nagging itch remained. Well it's more of a lead weight I suppose than an itch.

I've had all summer to wonder about life and love and happiness and all that stuff, but I've come out of it worse than I've gone in. Sucks, it really does. But, in a way it's satisfying to know, looking back, how far I've come. I'm still not genuinely happy about everything yet, but I'm resigned to it not being so. And good for that, I suppose one is only completely happy when life has been lived and is over. At 19, that would be one of the worst things to happen.

I do conflict over a few little things too. I've always said, if only to myself, that I'm not long for this world. Not that I'd do anything stupid or something. But, I've always kind of expected that I wouldn't be in it for the long haul. Then again there's the part of me that wants to stick around and finish my book and watch my family grow up and move on. There's a big part of my mind that wouldn't give up on living, wouldn't accept that fate, even if it did manifest itself. A part of my mind doesn't ever want to die and part thinks that it's far overdue.

I mentioned that I'd like to live to see my family grow and move on. I didn't mention myself. And I didn't mention a spouse or children. And there we come to conflict two. I do mean it when I say I so completely want to be the most kickass grandfather in the history of man. Oh, you'd better believe I'll say what I believe and believe what I say. And I definitely want to show my parents up by having kids and being a whole hell of a lot better to them than they've been to me. I do want that, even more than life itself sometimes. There's the part of me that just wants to hug and hold my kids as babies, watch them grow and help them along their way. But then there's the other part of me that looks to the future and sees me alone. Not lonesome or something, just alone, having never married, having never had children. Content with the quiet and single life. Alone. In a good way. If you can understand that.

It's maddening! It really is. I can't understand it. And, modesty aside, I understand most things quite easily. I look at the here and now and dream of the future and desire that it falls into place of it's own accord. Yet I know that given the chance I'd do anything I could to guide it along.

Just when you think you've got it all figured out, you realize you've got comparatively nothing done next to the new things that popped up. Every time the biggest questions get answered in my head others pop up, sometimes even old ones again. It's maddening!

Some nights my head gets bogged down so badly with this stuff that I lie there in bed for hours just trying to make sense of all of it. Because that's when it all comes to me, isn't it. Right when I have to get to bed. These are the sort of silly thoughts that pop up when you're at your weakest... Damn, there I go again. Let me start over... These are the sort of silly thoughts that pop up when I'm at my weakest, most penetrable. And I'm not talking about suicide. Not ever. I'm talking about baseless insecurities and fears. Things that'll rob from me the little good that I have in my life. Stupidity is what it is. Sheer stupidity.

I now believe that the only people who are truly sane are those who are completely insane. Those who break the mold that we've sunk ourselves, I've sunk myself, into for all these years. I look back to when I was eight or ten and things were so much simpler then. We never wondered whether something someone said had some hidden meaning behind it, questioned ourselves, had baseless fear run rampant through our minds... my mind at its weakest points. Insecurity, that's what it is. I don't trust people. Then again, how could I. The things I've seen and felt detrimented that. My past drives me mad every day. Every day. And that little voice that manifested itself back in those days still shines through at times. It pours doubt and fear into me. It fights back the ages for which I've tried to kill it. And it fights dirty.

But, so do I. They say that there are no atheists in the foxholes. Well, perhaps that's true. But I don't think it has anything to do with a god or a religion. In the trenches they are stripped of their happiness, their love, of everything that is good for them. They face the same harsh reality that I face many-a-day. Every painful, fearful, embarrassing, hurtful event in their lives flash past their eyes, perhaps unbeknownst them even. All they can focus on is fighting it, fighting to stay alive. Fighting for their lives. I too fight for my life. Not literally, figuratively. I fight every day to push away doubt and depression, fear and pain. I push as hard as I can and then some more. Because I have to. Because I refuse to relive my past. I refuse to let it keep me down. I refuse.

I'm stubborn, and it knows it. That's why it hasn't got to me yet. Why I could never really let it get me for that long. I'm just to goddamned stubborn. So, I'm heading back to school tomorrow and back to a world which I much prefer. Yet I can't help but wonder what the future holds, even as early as twelve hours from now. I can only wonder. But come what may, and I know that there I have it better than anyone here ever thinks they deserve. But that's not going to stop anything, not a damn thing. I'll move on, and too answer more of my questions and in doing so add even more, but such is life, and I'm content with living mine. And that is the bottom line motherfucker!